Chapter 236
Ella stayed in the hospital for another week. She took the pills every day and as promised, they took
away her negative emotions but also everything else too. She no longer needed my hugs or any
kind of comfort and she lost interest entirely in talking to me or even seeing me. It seemed Luca
could no longer entertain her and most of her time was spent either asleep or staring vacantly at
the wall. Whilst there were no more tears or nightmares, a smile rarely graced her lips either and
even less often a laugh.
When the Doctor’s deemed her healthy enough for our children to come and see her, she seemed
happy enough but she didn’t hug them as tightly as she used to and she just smiled and nodded as
they spoke to her. When Cato asked her how she was, she couldn’t answer. When Lili presented her
with a beautiful quilt she had knitted with her Grany, she told her it was pretty but her smile was
meek and subdued.
I tried to explain to them why their Mother was like this. Why they didn’t really have her back yet.
Even Cato, the eldest, didn’t quite understand and each and every one of them was quieter and
calmer when I put them to bed that night.
I held her hand as we left the hospital but she only gripped as firmly as she needed to stay upright
and when we got home, she just sat where I placed her on the bed, without saying a word until she
eventually fell asleep.
Every morning and night for another week I brought her a glass of water and handed her a pill. I felt
a pang of guilt everytie I watched her swallow one. The medication just felt like a distraction rather
than a solution. One day, she was going to have to feel the pain in all its intensity and the longer we
put it off, the worse it was going to be.
Selfishly, I also missed her. Of course, I didn’t want her to have to suffer but at the same time, I
wanted her back. Even though she was right there beside me, the pills took the real her away.
It felt now, more than ever, like I was just with the shell of my mate. Her lively spirit was gone. So
were her sharp wittiness and sense of humour. The twinkle in her eye had long since diminished and
her once animated face was in a constant expression as cold and neutral as stone. I longed more
than ever to see a genuine smile on her lips or hear her sweet laugh or just any sign of
consciousness. She hardly even looked at me and when I kissed her head before bed every night,
she made no response.
I tried not to take it to heart but losing the love of your mate in that way was never going to be
easy.