Chapter 69

[ 1,623 words ]

[SAMANTHA’s Point of View]

I didn’t know what was wrong but something was different. Something that made our little office off and I needed to know what made Killian’s mood look like a volcano spreading lava all over everyone.

“I don’t think it is the right moment to talk to him, Samantha.” One of his council members, who had just left Moonstone Alpha’s office, quietly warned me. “He’s not looking promising today.”

I smiled at the sweet old man and patted him on the shoulder. He was one of the council members who welcomed me into the Moonstone pack. “Nothing to worry about, Sir Elliot. I will make sure to deal with whatever made Killian upset today.” I assured him and he nodded at me with a wide smile on his face and excused himself for another meeting that needed his presence.

With a heavy sigh, I stood in front of Killian’s door as I prepared myself for whatever was waiting for me inside. I prayed to the Moon Goddess it wasn’t about Dominic again but I couldn’t hope. I had a huge feeling it was about me dropping off his call last night while I was with Dominic. Did he notice I was with my mate? I wasn’t sure what was going on inside Killian’s head. The only thing I was sure of was that he would never let Dominic win. While I was uncertain of what I wanted…needed, of what my heart really yearned for—I couldn’t let myself settle for whatever my heart had been screaming to me.

You don’t have to deal with it, my wolf told me when I grabbed the doorknob. Turn around, Samantha. You don’t have time for this.

I can’t keep ignoring this. I answered my wolf, who was frustrated with my answer. Killian had been a very good friend to me and whatever it is that bothers him, I need to be there.

Silly girl, my wolf hissed. Isn’t it obvious? It was about last night when you ignored him because of our mate. Maybe you can give him more time to process his feelings. You’ll just make things worse if you get inside that room.

My wolf was right. But just like what I told her, I couldn’t run away and ignore him all day.

“Killian?” I asked as soon as I stepped inside his office with folders in my other hand and the other still holding the doorknob. He was standing with his back to me and staring at the window panel that overlooks the heart of the city of the Moonstone Pack.

He didn’t turn around and answered me with a detached tone. “Get inside.”

I frowned and closed the door gently behind me. I stood behind him and didn’t sit on the couch, while I usually did when I visited his office. I stayed silent, waiting for him to talk. But we stayed there in his office for a torturing five minutes without saying a word to each other.

It was agonizing to stand there and wait so I decided to leave.

“Wait.”

“Whatever it is that makes you so upset, just tell me, Killian.” I snapped at him. I am too busy for this. You know I can’t deal with this anymore. Either you tell me what is in your mind or I’m out of here.”

“Samantha.” His voice still sounded stern, but there was a hint of solemnity in it. “Where were you last night?”

My frown deepened. “What’s this, Killian?” I threw the folders on his table and folded my arms on my chest. “I am not informed I should tell you everything I am doing now.”

“I am just asking, Sam. I need to know. I need you to be honest with me.” He turned his head to the side, refusing to let me see his face.

The guilt felt as if I was being gutted in front of him. I didn’t know how to answer because if I told him the truth, I was certain a war between him and Dominic would start because of me. If I lied, I would end up hating myself more than Killian would hate me. It was an awful thing to do to a man like Killian, who did nothing but help and protect me since I arrived in his pack.

“I was home,” I answered as simply as I could while biting my lower lip.

“And?” Killian growled. His hands curled into fists at his sides so tight his knuckles turned white.

Goddess, it was awful. I hated when my wolf snarled at me; I told you so.

“What do you want to know, Killian? Does it matter?” I lashed out at him, shaking my head slightly as I massaged the space between my eyes. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.”

Killian finally decided to turn around and face me. There was a sudden ache in my throat the moment I saw that pain and defeat in his eyes—mixed with disappointment and betrayal as he gazed at me with darkened green eyes. Muscles feathered his jaw as he studied me with that judging looks I had never imagined I would see him do to me.

“Shouldn’t we, Samantha?” There was something dark in Killian’s voice that made my eyes sharpen. Even my wolf didn’t like the sudden gravity in the room as Killian showed his Alpha power in front of me. Or maybe he wasn’t aware he was doing it because of the uncontrolled emotion he was having.

“He was there with you.” It wasn’t a question but an accusation. “I don’t understand, Samantha. I thought… I thought—”

“There’s nothing for you to understand about something between me and Dominic, Killian,” I answered him, unable to look into his eyes. “Dominic isn’t that cold and cruel man I ran away from. He’s changed. He’s… ” I shook my head and bit my lower lip hard before I spoke again. “He’s different.”

“He’s from Silver Crescent, Sam! He’s a pack that had been a huge threat to me and our people! The Moonstone people!”

We both knew that it wasn’t about Dominic being an enemy of the pack.

“Let’s not talk about this, Killian. You don’t understand.” I pleaded with him. As the Alpha of the pack, I stayed calm and showed Killian I still respected him. But it was too hard when he was displaying such dominance as if he had the right to decide for my life.

“You don’t know what you are saying, Sam. How many times does he have to hurt you to see that man as the monster you must avoid?” he snarled at me.

His fists tightened once again as he spat hatred against Dominic, which didn’t sit right in my stomach. He hated him. No. He was jealous of him. And I felt awful that I caused him so much pain knowing that Killian had feelings for me as well.

“I know what I am doing, Killian. I know what my heart wants.” I snarled at him, not liking the tone of his voice anymore. “You can’t dictate to me what I should feel! You don’t have any right, Killian!” My eyes were piercing, but tears stung because I knew how this would end. Killian had been with me through my ups and downs. But seeing him raging just because I couldn’t reciprocate his feelings was something wrong. Very wrong.

“I love you, Samantha! You know I would do anything for you! I could be the best mate and father to the twins. Just let me in your life!” That dark expression on his face suddenly softened for a second as he tried to close the gap between us but I stepped back. This was not out of hatred, but rather because I found his uncontrollable emotions were dangerous.

“I am not asking you to do this, Killian. You are important to me but not in the same way you feel for me.” I swallowed a lump in my throat, trying my hardest for my voice not to crack because as much as it killed him, I was hurting as well. “You are a good man, Killian. You have been by my side since the day I came here to Moonstone. You are a friend who trusted that I could be something else. I know you like what is going on but this is my choice. This is what I truly feel and I wish you could try to respect it for the sake of the years we were together, Killian. You are important to me. But I had already chosen. My heart had already chosen. And I don’t think anyone can change my heart or my mind anymore.”

I couldn’t describe the look on Killian’s face. It killed me to see him so broken in front of me. But the rage in him was like a fire that refused to extinguish.

“I am not accepting this, Samantha. I know that bastard did something to convince you and I won’t let him deceive you again with his f*cking words.” Killian snarled.

I felt something in my head throbbed achingly. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “Leave. Killian. I need time to think.” My voice was harsher than I intended. I thought he would refuse but he glared at me and moved to grant my only request.

“Know that I am not the monster here, Samantha.” Killian’s voice was like a knife stabbing me repeatedly in the chest as he grabbed the knob. “You think about this before you get yourself destroyed again for the second time.”

I was left in the room with tears streaming down my face.

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