Chapter 153

*Hayes*
“You should get some rest too, Hayes.” Marcos says.
I know he is looking out for me; he is the healer and someone I would almost consider a friend if I had intentions for friendly attachments. But every time I look at him, I find myself envious where I never was.
Kyra has turned me into someone who cares when she looks at me. How can I both crave and hate her gaze? How can she make me jealous of another man who has nothing? I know the reason. It’s because he at least has a fucking face. But the fact that it bothers me so much…that is what’s so infuriating.
“Hayes?” Dean says, touching my shoulder, dragging me from my thoughts as I glare up at him.
“What?”
“Marcos is right. You are better use to us all if you are rested. You seem more lost in your head than you usually are.”
I sigh, and turn back toward the fire, pinching the bridge of my nose before squeezing my eyes closed.
“Being lost in my mind is preferable to being lost in my nightmares, Dean. You know how that goes.” I mutter.
“I can help you sleep, Hayes,” Marcos offers, and I look down at Kyra, who pretends to be asleep, his hand gently rubbing up and down her back. The simple, sweet gesture makes me want to rip his fingers off.
“I don’t want your drugs, Marcos.” I snap at him before I stand and walk over to the door.
“Where are you going?” Kyra’s voice squeaks, no doubt, as she spins to look at my back. And for whatever reason, her caring brings a smirk to my face.
“To sleep where a dog like me belongs.” I tell her, not bothering to look back before I exit through the rickety door.
Koda looks up from his spot, tilting his head to the right.
“Too stuffy in there, huh?” He asks, but I ignore him looking for a dry enough spot to lie down.
The second I find something remotely dry, I lower myself and stare up at the barely standing roof. It shakes as rain patters down. I wonder just how damn long the clouds sustain this type of downpour?
The moment it lets up, she is going to leave. And knowing how she is these days, she will likely try to sneak off and proclaim it is what she was taught to do. I snort as I turn onto my side, my arm under my head to keep it from the slightly damp, rotting wood. “Hayes,” Koda says, more of a question if I am awake or asleep, which I should be.
“What?” I mumble with a heavy exhale..
“Can I ask you something?” His words are hushed as I hear him coming over.
When he enters my view, I see him peek in through a crack in the siding, then plop down in front of me. I arch a brow in interest. Koda has no problem speaking his mind when he wants to, but this desperation in his voice is different. He never asks before he speaks, he just simply talks.
“What is it?” I ask him and he clears his throat.
“It’s about Nisha…” He murmurs, looking away for a minute.
“You want to choose her as a mate?” I say the words he is struggling to get out. Instead of growing angry like I thought I would in a situation like this, I find myself more open to the idea of others finding their happiness.
“I know that we wouldn’t qualify to be here, in this group anymore, but I was hoping you would let us stay?” he swallows and I narrow my eyes, pushing myself up.
“Are you telling me you two have already discussed this and marked each other?” I ask him.
His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head, then he drags his hand over his face.
“No. It is just that…I know she, well, I…” He exhales. “I refuse to sleep with her unless I know she is mine. Only mine.”
I plop back down on the wood, annoyed. Why the fuck is he asking permission if he knows the rules and what is at stake here?
“Koda, if you two want to mate, that is fine, but the rules remain the same. No mates are allowed in the group.”
It’s not like it was just a rule I made
up, either. It was one Merikh also suggested. There is no nefarious
reasoning behind it, no excret
based on the life they want to
choose. But If someone has a mate, chosen or fated, they should be with them, fully and truly focused on them.
One of my greatest regrets was fighting the bond with Leandra and then never truly having that bond
strengthened between us. If Kodaet
wants a life with Nisha, and she agrees with his feelings, then they should remove themselves from the dangers of this mission and go and actually have a life together.
“I see.” He says, sounding disappointed. I frown, feeling the need to explain it to him.
“Koda, you understand my reasoning, right?” I ask him and he exhales.
“I do, so perhaps I will keep her at arm’s length until the end of the mission.” Koda says, resolute.
“Or you tell her and you both decide what to do from there.”
He remains quiet for a moment before he clears his throat.
“Is that what you plan to do with Kyra?” he asks, and I bark out a laugh.
“There is nothing between Kyra and I,” I tell him frankly and he frowns. “I mean it, Koda. Kyra was a friend once, a long time ago. But now she is nothing to me but a nuisance.”
He pulls himself up using the railing, the rain splashing on him as he looks out into the distance. Then he sniffs the air, his muscles going rigid. I jump up, trying to scent or see what he might be seeing, and then he elbows me. “Smells like bullshit, doesn’t it?” He grins. I opt to glare at him as he shakes his head. “Can I ask what she was like? I mean, was she always like this?”
I press my lips together tightly and then drop my head, shaking it.
“This woman looks like the Kyra l
knew, but she is not the same. The
Kyra I knew was soft-spoken, sweet, and easy to love. My biggest fear with her was seeing her heart
“I chuckle, remembe
all
the ways Kyra used to blush or giggle softly when my hand would
brush hers or I would give her a
treat.
“Is that why you dislike her so much now?” He asks and I furrow my brows, looking at him, confused.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you never wanted to see her broken, and now that’s all she is. A broken misfit like the rest of us. Like you.”
“I don’t dislike her.” I retort. “She just…gets on my nerves and thinks she is high and mighty. Not to mention she has to fight every fucking thing I say.”
He nods his head slowly as if he is processing what I am saying.
“So it bothers you that she is here?” He asks me.
“Of course it does. I don’t want her here, fuck I cut her out of my life once already and now after this is all over I will have to do it again.” I mutter, my fingers tightening on the water logged railing.
“Do you plan on cutting all of us out then after this?” He asks, arching a brow.
“No,” I give him an honest answer, then I pause. “Well, maybe Marcus and his stupid ass angelic face.”
He snorts and shakes his head. “He gets kicked out because he is pretty or because you are jealous of his friendship with your ex-best friend?”
“Koda, you are asking too many questions.” I groan, pushing away from the railing and turning to move back to my spot. As I twist around, I see Kyra standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorjamb with an emotionless face.
“Kyra,” I say on a breath, and she focuses past me.
“I think the rain is letting up. My clothes are dry, so I am going to get ready. You made me a promise, so you better get dressed too if you want to get rid of me soon. Or I could just ask Marcos and his angelic face to tag along with me instead.” She shrugs. Well, fuck. I guess she heard everything, and that just means she is going to be grumpier from now on.