Chapter 144

“I don’t know what to say,” I admit, his honesty catching me off guard. Since the second he laid eyes on me again, he has been nothing short of rude and cold. Every word has been a stab at me in one way or another. But now he suddenly racked with guilt and
apologizing?
“There is nothing to say, Kyra. You asked for your apology and I gave it to you,” he says matter of fact.
“And that’s it? We go back to constant fighting and bickering?” I ask, arching a brow. He pauses, then lets out a low sigh, his good hand coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“I don’t know,” He admits. “What do you want from me?”
I scoff. “For starters? Maybe you not trying to sabotage me at every turn.”
He frowns like I am speaking some untruth, and I give him a stern look.
“Fine. But in my defense, I wasn’t the one to drug you.” He says.
“Did you tell Marcos to do it?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. He looks away and shrugs, refusing to answer, and I roll my eyes. “Of course you did.”
“I didn’t want you to get hurt.” He tells me, and I see how sincere he is, but sincerity doesn’t matter when you mess up.
“Yeah, that worked out really well.” I scoff, throwing my hands up in frustration, and he winces.
“In retrospect, it was a bad decision.” He admits. “Dragons are not known for being in this area, even scouts. We are still close to the water and they usually avoid it.”
“I was passed out for hours, Hayes. HOURS! That’s not just a bad decision, it was a near fatal one and I know I am here in one piece, but it was very, very close to being me in multiple pieces.” I say, my voice rising.
It doesn’t matter that he apologizes or that he admits he was wrong. What I understand now is that I want to know why he thinks so little of me. Was loving him back then, asking him to choose me. Was it so wrong?
“I fucked up.” He says, his voice matches mine in volume. “All I can do is apologize and ask if we can move on.”
I throw my hands up in defeat. “And what does moving on look like?”
“What?” He freezes, swallowing hard as he blinks at me.
“What does moving on look like for us? You want to move on from this? Fine. How do you envision that happening?” I ask him, my hands finding my hips as he looks around, his brows pulled together in thought. “Well, I figured you would want an escort back—”
I step into him in a second, my body nearly pressing against his as my anger surges through me.
“Hayes, I am not going back.” I hiss, “The girl you remember and the woman standing in front of you are very different people. I do not cower and I do not run. You need to find this Fae? I am your only hope of finding him. I can promise you that.” His eyes meet mine and for a moment the air grows thick, the forest around us silent as I get lost in his hazel eyes.
“Why do you hate me so much?” I whisper, my chest breaking open. All his actions and reactions point to one thing: hatred. Hayes has learned to not only hate life, but he has locked everyone out, and I am the furthest on the outside than even Merikh. “I don’t hate you,” He says, his words soft as he leans closer.
My breathing hitches, his closeness catching me off guard as his warm breath tickles over my lips.
“It feels like it.” I murmur, cursing myself as my eyes flick to his lips, watching too eagerly as his tongue slips out and wets them.
“I wouldn’t have helped you if I hated you.” He says. His presence is damn near overwhelming. The scent I didn’t pick up before now wraps around me like a safety blanket and it I can’t tell if I crave it or fear it.
His chest brushes against mine,
catching me off guard as he closes
the distance between us completely and he stares into my face. My breathing hitches and I can feel the heat in my cheeks. I need to cut this tension, obliterate it to smithereens. I can’t allow anyone to have this type of power over me. Not again.
“You call beating Marcos and accusing me of having sex with him, helping me?” I ask, my mouth still dry, my body light as if it is floating. It doesn’t matter how much I want this pull to go away, it tugs me in deeper.
“I thought he was touching you.” He says his words full of bite as if remembering the moment in his mind. What he thinks he saw must have been something far more devious than what actually took place.
“He was touching me.” I say, and his eyes flash as he seems to wake up from a daze. Hayes takes a step back from me as he drags a hand down his face. “Marcos was helping me, Hayes. Just like you had instructed him to do.” “Why are you still here?” He asks, the gentle Hayes I remember disintegrating in a puff of annoyance. “I already apologized.”
“I came for more than that.” I tell him, and he watches me expectantly. “The rest of the group is worried about you.”
He shakes his head, a laugh breaking from his deformed, yet somehow still handsome face.
“They know when to give me space,” he says, then he points at me. “You clearly don’t remember me well.”
I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest, breathing easier now that the tension has lessened.
“I remember everything about you, Hayes. All of this” I lift my hands, waving them around his body as if pointing out his aura. “All of it has changed.”
“Yes, I am very well aware of how much my new look disgusts you.” He says with an emotionless face.
I shake my head and look away for a minute before turning back to look at him. What I need to do is place a barrier between us. Something that keeps him close yet far enough away that I don’t fall into the trap of this one sided bond.
I can’t reject him until he acknowledges it exists and that won’t happen until whatever is blocking on his end fades. So I am stuck fighting two wars at once. The war against my heart and sout, and the one raging around us we are trying to end.
“It’s not just the outside that is repulsive, Hayes. You are only mirroring what’s inside. I suppose I can’t blame you for that.” The words feel like acid burning my throat as I watch him for a reaction. He nods, his lips pressed together in a straight line before he clicks his tongue.
“Well, at least we can agree on that.” He mutters. “I appreciate you making it clear. Next time I won’t interject when you are…”
“When I am being healed?” I arch a brow, interjecting before he can continue. “Yeah, probably best you let the healer help me before you punch his lights out.”
He grins as he looks away, a look of pain on his face.
“That mouth is going to get you in trouble, Kyra.” He says, turning his gaze on me once more. “And it will likely be me punishing you for it.”
My body flutters in surprise and heat as I feign annoyance and let my eyes roll again.
“I welcome you to try, Hayes. As you can see, I am not the same weak love struck girl you remember.”
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