Chapter 361 Conflicted mind

On the day before the ceremony, Matt arrived at the Grim pack in the morning, and shortly afterward Zoe and her date arrived as well, but unlike her brother, they had driven the entire way, because unless you owned a private jet, there was no flight into the Grim pack and a road trip was the only option available from Silver pack territory.

The sun was blazing and shining brightly over the pavements and the roofs of the pack houses in the Grim Pack, and Zoe watched the identical houses glide past from the car.

She had been looking forward to this day, hoping it would make up for the dry date they had already shared. She had tried to recreate some of the fun Viola had described having with her brother; the amusement park, winning a plushie and getting ramen noodles, but for some reason it hadn’t come close to being half as enjoyable as she had imagined, and he hadn’t won her a plushie at all.

In fact, Gilbert had spaced out for most of the time they were there. He had claimed he had never been to an amusement park before, but when they arrived he had shown barely any real interest in anything. He had paid for everything without complaint, and he had sat on the bench while she rode rides alone, and bought her ice cream when she asked, but when she offered him some he had said he didn’t take chilled things.

It had been boring, if she was being honest with herself, and Zoe hated feeling that way because she was starting to wonder whether she simply wasn’t a good enough entertainer, or whether she hadn’t done enough to bring him out of his shell. She had told herself he was probably thinking about work, and as hard as she had tried, the date had stayed dry from beginning to end.

So when he had asked her to be his date to the Grim pack ceremony, where he had been invited as a widely respected doctor across the entire werewolf world, her dampened spirits had lifted again immediately.

She had been looking forward to the drive with him, just the two of them, plenty of time to talk and laugh and finally find their rhythm, if there was any. But just like the park, this journey had felt short and somehow even flatter than the last time. Was it her? Was she not good enough?

Was it because she was a hopeless romantic who had built up such vivid, sweet imagined versions of their moments together that the real thing could never possibly match them or live up to her expectations?

Gilbert was a good man, she knew that much. He had made sure she had everything she needed on the journey, handed her food packages and kept her comfortable without being asked. But that wasn’t what she wanted from him. Zoe wanted more, and she couldn’t shake the quiet fear that she was somehow failing to reach him.

“The weather here is nice.” Zoe said conversationally as he pulled the car to a stop in the grounds of the Grim pack’s main building, where she knew her brother and Viola were already settled somewhere inside and she desperately needed to find Vee and feel like herself again.

“It is.” Gilbert replied, with a smile that didn’t quite make it to his eyes.

This was his first time ever taking a she-wolf on a proper outing date, and while he wasn’t entirely certain what was expected of him, he was well aware that behaving like a distracted and uninterested bastard was not it. But he couldn’t seem to help it.

The mate bond was working against him in ways he hadn’t anticipated, making everything Zoe offered feel somehow muted, because she wasn’t the one his body was pulling toward, no matter how firmly his mind tried to override it.

Gilbert hated himself even more for longing for the wrong she-wolf and wanting the moments with Zoe to end, when he ought to be getting along with her and figuring out how to take her as a chosen mate.

He didn’t want Laila, okay, but his mind was messing up real bad he could barely focus on one thing, and he wished he hadn’t gotten himself into this in the first place. He knew he wasn’t supposed to be acting like an uninterested jerk, but he couldn’t help it, the mate bond was messing with him and making him uninterested in anything she had to offer because she wasn’t the one he longed for.

“What color of dress are you wearing tomorrow? I believe we should match like couples on a date.” He asked her, wanting to remedy his absent-minded behavior when he noticed her spirits were so down, it was so unlike her to be this quiet.

He knew her as a bubbly person and now she looked so solemn he wanted to kick himself, but until he had marked her, there was no changing the fact that he wouldn’t be able to give her his full attention.

His question brought some light back to her eyes and she turned to him with a smile. “I thought you were never going to ask. Well, I was going for midnight blue, do you have a suit or attire in that color or do you need me to order one from my fashion house?”

“I have a lot of them in that color, Miss Zoe. Midnight blue it is.” He said, coming out of the car and going around to open her door.

Zoe stepped out pouting as she said, “You’re doing that again.”

“Doing what?” He asked cluelessly, and he watched her sigh.

“Addressing me as Miss Zoe. I told you to just use my name, no more Miss. The Miss makes me feel like we are not dating but just doctor and patient.” She had corrected him on this more than twice now, and every time he added the Miss she felt an invisible wall go up between them, which she hated.

Gilbert scratched the back of his neck and apologized. “You are right, I’m sorry. It slips out of habit because I have always thought of you in that context. I will make a proper effort to remember. Zoe. How is that?”

She beamed. “Much better.” Then she stepped a little closer and said, “I know you might think I am too forward, but I have wanted this for a long time. Can I have a kiss? It is completely fine if you don’t want to, I won’t—”

Gilbert stepped forward, took her hands gently in his, and said, “You can. May I?” His eyes dropped to her lips, even as the pull he felt toward her in that moment was nothing like the involuntary surge that had overtaken him in the hallway with Laila, a comparison he immediately pushed away, hating himself for making it at all.

Zoe’s heart surged and she nodded, leaning forward to close the remaining distance between them. And finally, finally, she kissed her beloved doctor. Her teenage crush. The man she had quietly carried in her heart for years and wished to love and cherish for the rest of her life.

It was a chaste kiss, lips only, no real depth to it, and Zoe wished with everything in her that he would part his lips and actually kiss her back the way she had imagined so many times. But even so, when he pulled back and she found his handsome face close to hers and his eyes on hers, she was head over heels.

“Let’s do that often, Gilbert. I really liked it.” She beamed at him.

He gave her a nod. “Sure. Go on ahead and text me your room location, I will bring your things around.”