Chapter 217

Chapter 217
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He exhaled slowly, eyes dark with regret. “Ellie
“I wanted you to want me,” I whispered. “I wanted to be enough.”
These were thoughts that I never meant to say out loud, especially not to him. It felt like a defeat to admit to him how much his indifference had hurt me. His cruel words had been better, at least then he’d been acknowledging
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The music kept playing, but it was only sound now – a soft pulse under the weight of my confession.
Nolan’s fingers brushed the small of my back, tentative, reverent. “You were enough. You’ve always been enough.”
I laughed, the sound brittle. “Then why did you push me away?”
He hesitated, and for a long moment I thought he wouldn’t answer. Then his voice dropped, almost breaking.
“Because I couldn’t let myself feel it,” he said. “If I did – if I let myself want you – it would’ve been the end of everything I’d promised.”
My breath caught. “Promised who?”
I didn’t have to ask. I knew he was talking about her, but I needed to hear him say it. I needed him to put it all out so that I could finally know the truth. I needed to know, so that I could accept how we ended up at this point.
He met my gaze, and for the first time that night, there was no mask. No Alpha, no politician. Just a man unraveling.
“Felicity,” he said quietly. “I made her a promise years before I met you – that no matter what happened between us, I wouldn’t love anyone else.”
The words hit me like a blow.
I thought that I was ready to hear them, but I was wrong.
He saw the flicker of pain cross my face and pressed on, voice thick. “I thought keeping that promise was the only way to honor her. She saved me once – from my father, from myself. I’owed her everything. So when I started to care for you, I panicked. I told myself I couldn’t give in to it. I couldn’t betray that promise.”
My chest ached so sharply it was almost physical. “So you punished me instead.” He flinched. “I didn’t mean to. I was trying to punish myself.”
Tears burned behind my eyes. Not from anger or from hurt, but from grief. Grief for what we could have had if we’d just known how to meet each other halfway. “You did both.”
He exhaled, closing his eyes briefly. “I know. And I can’t take it back. But I want you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t want you. I did. Every day. That’s what made it so unbearable.”
I didn’t know what to say. My mind felt full of static – too many emotions at once, too much pain layered over years of confusion.
I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. “You could have told me that.”
“I didn’t know how,” he said. “I wasn’t… raised to know how to love without hurting something. I’m not trying to make an excuse, I’m just trying to explain. There wasn’t anything that you did wrong to cause me to act like that, I was just… broken.” Chapter 211
My lip trembled. “And now?”
“Now,” he said softly, “I’m trying to learn.”
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The song ended, but neither of us moved. The world was st the firelight flickering across his face, the faint echo of laughter somewhere behind us, the twin shadows their bodies made on the cobblestones.
Finally, I took a slow step back.
“I don’t know if I can forgive you for that,” I said.
“I don’t expect you to,” he answered. “But I needed you to know.”
My voice was small. “Why now?”
“Because you deserve the truth,” he said simply. “Even if it changes nothing.”
I swallowed hard. “It changes everything.”
He reached for me. I wanted to pull back, to smack his hand away, to tell him off. I didn’t. I let his hand close gently over my wrist and when he pulled I moved to him.
His arms wrapped around me securely and I let myself be held in an awkward, stiff hug.
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“Even if you never forgive me, I’m going to spend the rest of my life doing whatever I can to make it up to you. My issues, my struggles… they weren’t your responsibility. But I still put it all on you. It was wrong. I’m so sorry, Ellie. I hope that one day you believe that.”
I brought my hands up slowly and touched his back, feeling his warmth as I leaned
in.
“I believe you.”
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