Chapter 183

Chapter 183
He exhaled slowly, rolling up his sleeve. A pale scar ran along his forearm, faint but unmistakable. “Training exercise gone wrong,” he said. “He lost control. I ended up with this and a few broken ribs. He didn’t even apologize.”
I stared at the mark, my stomach twisting. I knew Nolan’s temper; I’d seen flashes of
it myself, but something about Kieran’s story didn’t fit the man I knew.
The man who carried guilt like a second skin.
Nolan’s anger had always been cold, distant. When he disliked someone, he looked at them like they were nothing but a waste of his time. For him to physically lash out, there had to be some provocation.
I had only ever seen Nolan get violent when he was protecting someone.
Still, the image of Nolan hurting someone so badly made my chest ache.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure why I said it, other than I felt like I had to say something.
Kieran gave me a small smile. “Don’t be. It was a long time ago. We both survived.”
He reached out then, brushing a lock of hair from my face with a touch so light it barely registered. “He hurt you too,” he murmured. “You don’t owe him anything, Ellie.”
My breath caught.
Nolan had hurt me. But, not in the way Kieran was implying. His soft touch and the accusation in his words gave
me pause.
For just a moment, I let myself forget the weight of everything else the goddess’s dreams, the guilt, the distance. I let myself stand there, still and uncertain, while Kieran’s hand lingered against my cheek.
I felt frozen in place, not able to decide on a reaction.
Then he leaned in and kissed me.
It was gentle at first, careful, almost questioning. His lips were warm, his touch steady.
But there was nothing.
No spark. No pulse of heat that set my blood humming, no invisible thread pulling me closer the way there had been with Nolan – that fierce, undeniable bond that had once felt like destiny.
I felt only stillness.
The absence of something I hadn’t realized I’d been craving hit me like a punch in the gut.
When Kieran pulled back, his thumb brushed my jaw. “You don’t have to be afraid of feeling again,” he said softly.
I took a step back. “Kieran
His eyes searched mine. “You don’t want this?”
He didn’t sound surprised, but for just a fraction of a second he looked irritated.
“I-“I faltered, shaking my head. “I don’t know.”
The truth tasted strange on my tongue. I wanted to want this. I wanted something easy, someone who didn’t come
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Chapter 183
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with shadows and scars. But all I could think about was Nolan’s eyes the day I left. The quiet heartbreak there.
Kieran’s expression softened, and he nodded once, stepping back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed.”
“It’s okay,” I said quickly, though my heart was still racing with something I couldn’t name. “I just… I’m still trying to figure things out.”
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I understand.”
The kettle whistled then, sharp and sudden, breaking the tension. I turned to shut it off, grateful for the distraction.
When I turned back again, Kieran had moved to the window, staring out at the pale stretch of sky.
“You deserve to be happy,” he said quietly. “Just promise me you won’t let him make you doubt that.
I hesitated, unsure how to respond.
“I should go,” he said before I could find the words. “You’ve got your hands full.”
“}
He gave me a faint smile and brushed his fingers against one of the twins’ blankets
on his way to the door. “Tell the boys their uncle Kieran says goodbye.”
I managed a small nod. “Thank you for coming.”
He paused at the door, glanced back once, and said, “Always, Ellie.”
Then he was gone.
The apartment felt heavier once the door clicked shut. The silence pressed in
around me, filled with questions I didn’t want to answer.
I sank onto the couch, touching my lips with trembling fingers. The kiss hadn’t been unpleasant But it hadn’t felt right.
There was no bond. No spark. No heartbeat echoing against my own.
Just emptiness.
And in that emptiness, a single truth settled, soft and undeniable.
I didn’t just feel guilty about Nolan. I didn’t just miss Nolan.
I still loved him.
far from it.
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