Chapter 185

Chapter 185
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My breath caught. I remembered the dream the black wolf standing between me and the one with blue eyes, the way it had fought to protect me. I hadn’t realized how closely it mirrored reality until now.
“Cassian,” I whispered, “he’s really changed, hasn’t he?”
Cassian smiled faintly. “He’s trying to. That’s more than I could say for him a year ago.”
I swallowed hard. “I thought he hated me.”
“He never hated you, Ellie. I know that things between you are complicated, and I probably shouldn’t get involved. It’s not my place. But I know that he never hated you.’
))
My eyes stung, the truth sinking in. I looked toward the twins, their little faces soft and peaceful as they slept.
“I didn’t want them to grow up without a father,” I said quietly. “I just… didn’t know if I could trust him.”
“You don’t have to decide that today,” Cassian said gently. “You just have to decide whether you want to try.”
I nodded slowly, my chest tightening around the quiet ache of hope.
Cassian rose and rested a hand on my shoulder. “You know,” he said, half smiling, “you and Nolan have more in common than either of you realize.”
“Really?” I asked, looking up at him skeptically.
“You both love like it’s a fight,” he said. “Like you don’t know how to be gentle. Maybe you don’t. Neither of you has had much in your life that could be called gentle. It’s no wonder you hurt each other. But maybe that’s why you keep finding your way back.”
I managed a watery laugh. “That’s one way to put it.”
He squeezed my shoulder gently. “Give him a chance, Ellie. Not for what you had, for what you could still build.”
My heart swelled and broke all at once. I wanted to believe that was possible.
After Cassian left for his next meeting, I lingered on the couch, watching the twins sleep. The clouds had finally broken, and the last traces of sunlight filtered through the curtains, highlighting their dark hair in gold.
I thought of Nolan again, of the way his voice had softened when he’d spoken to me at the park that day, the way his eyes had looked when he first saw the boys. There was pain there, yes, but also something deeper.
Love,
Real and enduring.
There was something about the raw wonder on his face when he’d seen them that made him look almost innocent.
The thought made my chest ache.
“Maybe we’re both learning to be gentle,” I whispered softly.
Cassian was right. There wasn’t much in my life that had been soft. There were still gaps in my memory, but I could recall a lot more now, and it seemed like new memories were surfacing every day.
I remembered the orphanage, how lonely it was growing up there with only the vague knowledge that I was meant
to be somewhere else.
1/3
Chapter 135
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I remembered trying to find a way to sustain myself as a rogue in the borderlands. Year after year of cold nights and sparse meals, while I tried to find a place in this world where I belonged. I remember working in the bar that eventually led me to Nolan.
Then those early years with Nolan. Everything between us had been so hot and cold. The mate pull was so strong, so overwhelming. I knew that Nolan could feel it, too. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me sometimes.
And when we were alone together… There was no denying the way our bodies craved one another.
But outside of those moments, it was awful. Nolan acted like my being there was an inconvenience. Like I was only embarrassing him by trying to do what I thought I should as his wife.
Eventually, the desperation took over.
My memories of that time were painful, humiliating. I didn’t recognize myself at all. I had done everything possible to be the quiet, demure, obedient wife that I thought he wanted and it was only met with his disgust.
The twins stirred in their sleep, one letting out a tiny sigh.
I smiled through the tears I didn’t bother to wipe away. For the first time in months, the thought of seeing Nolan again didn’t scare me.
Maybe getting hit by that car was the best thing that ever happened to me. Losing my memory of those years for a while allowed me to reclaim myself.
It felt like the beginning of something new was starting. It was fragile, uncertain, but real.
Maybe Cassian was right.
Maybe Nolan and I had to learn to be gentle with one another.
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