Chapter 88
Chapter 88
ARIA
z
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As we walked away from the herb garden, as Ivory and Jason bent their heads together over research notes and began discussing growth compounds in voices too low for us to hear clearly, I felt the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on me.
Ivory had accused me of wanting her gone out of jealousy and insecurity. And while I’d denied it, while I’d tried to frame my consideration of Sera’s offer as concern for safety-wasn’t there
truth in what she’d said?
Wasn’t I at least a little relieved at the idea of her leaving? At not having to constantly be compared to her, measured against her years of dedication and proven worth?
Wasn’t part of me hoping she’d decide on her own to go, to spare me from having to navigate the complicated politics of her presence?
Through our bond, I felt Kael’s churning emotions. The jealousy he was trying so hard to hide at seeing Ivory with Jason, at witnessing her share her breakthrough with him first. The hurt at her continued distance and dismissal. The frustration that she wouldn’t let him close enough to help or support or maintain their former friendship.
And underneath it all, something that felt dangerously like possessiveness. Like his wolf still recognized Ivory as his in some fundamental way that his human consciousness was trying to override.
Nina was the only one of us who seemed relatively at peace, though I caught her glancing back toward the garden with concern.
“That plant compound,” she said as we walked. “If Ivory’s really perfected food acceleration like that-it could change everything about how we manage resources. We need to make sure her research is protected. Documented somewhere secure in case…” She trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought.
In case Ivory died before the research could be shared more widely. In case Sera’s threats became reality and we lost not just a beloved pack member but revolutionary scientific knowledge.
“I’ll talk to her about documentation protocols,” Kael said. “Once she’s calmed down. Once she’s had time to process everything p>
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Chapter 88
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“Good luck with that,” Nina muttered. “She’s more likely to throw her research notes at you than share them willingly at this point p>
We reached the pack house, and I excused myself, claiming I needed to review supply ledgers for the upcoming winter. It was a flimsy excuse-we all knew I was just escaping the tension- but neither Kael nor Nina called me on it.
I made it to our chambers before the weight of everything crashed down on me. Sank onto the edge of the bed and stared at my hands, at the Luna mark on my wrist that signified my position in this pack.
A position I’d stumbled into through timing and circumstance. A position that had displaced someone infinitely more qualified and dedicated. A position that was now forcing me to make impossible choices about safety and security and whether pushing someone away could ever really be framed as protection.
Ivory was right to question my motives. Right to accuse me of insecurity and jealousy. Because wasn’t that exactly what I was feeling? Wasn’t that driving at least some of my consideration of Sera’s ultimatum?
And if I was being honest with myself-brutally, painfully honest—wasn’t I hoping that Ivory would decide to leave on her own? That she’d look at Jason and his obvious interest, at the possibility of starting fresh somewhere new without all this baggage and danger, and choose to go?
Because that would solve so many problems. Would remove the constant comparison. Would eliminate the living reminder of everything Kael had shared with someone else. Would make my position as Luna feel less like I’d stolen something that belonged to another woman.
But it would also break Kael’s heart. Would devastate Nina. Would rob the pack of invaluable knowledge and dedication. Would leave Ivory vulnerable and alone, probably dead within months if Sera’s people tracked her down.
And I would bear responsibility for all of it if I’d encouraged her departure in any way.
The guilt was crushing. Suffocating. Made worse by the knowledge that I didn’t have clean hands in this. That my motives were mixed at best, selfish at worst.
I was supposed to be Luna. Was supposed to put the pack first, always. Was supposed to make decisions based on what was best for Shadowmere, not what was most comfortable for my own insecurities.
But I was just so tired. Tired of feeling inadequate. Tired of being compared to Ivory’s perfection. Tired of seeing the way pack members looked at her with love and me with polite tolerance. Tired of knowing that if circumstances had been different, if timing had worked out
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Chapter 88
another way, Kael would have chosen her and been happier for it.
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A knock on the door interrupted my spiraling thoughts. I wiped my eyes quickly, surprised to find them wet with tears I hadn’t realized I was crying.
“Come in,” I called, trying to make my voice sound normal.
The door opened to reveal one of the young pack members-a girl of maybe sixteen named Sarah who sometimes ran messages for the leadership.
“Luna Aria,” she said, bowing slightly. “Elder Morrison requests your presence in his study. He says it’s urgent. Something about Sera’s letter and legal precedents for how to handle threats against pack members p>
Of course. Because this nightmare wasn’t over. Was probably just beginning.
“Tell him I’ll be there shortly,” I said.
Sarah nodded and left, closing the door quietly behind her.
I stood, moved to the mirror, tried to make myself look like a Luna instead of a fraud who was drowning in complications she’d never asked for and couldn’t seem to navigate.
Failed spectacularly at that goal.
But went to meet with Elder Morrison anyway, because that’s what duty required. What leadership demanded.
Even if I had no idea what I was doing. Even if every choice seemed wrong in different ways. Even if I was fairly certain I was going to destroy everything I touched before this was over.
At least I’d look presentable while doing it.
Small mercies.
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