Chapter 346

Blue
I don’t know what I am expecting from this.
I wanted to know why Levine was so miserable. I might have been so oblivious to a lot of things but I saw the sadness in her eyes every time she would smile at me. Growing up, my mother wasn’t present. She was there but I don’t have a single memory of her taking care of me. Levine was always there, she was the one that did everything for me. She was the one that helped me with my magic. I just thought that my mother was busy—I mean, she was the chief.
Now it all makes sense.
I see it all.
Their childhood.
The torment she had to go through having a sister like my mother. She tried to be there for her. All along, she was the one that made all the sacrifices. I can still feel Rex’s grip on me. The memories all come like flashes of light. They are so fast but I feel everything in my core. I feel her pain and she is not even alive. I feel her sadness. Almost like with each memory, I am going through it all, the more I see, the more I want to know. I don’t hate my mother, I can never hate her, because at the end of it all, she is still my mother but now, I know that the reason why I am even here on this earth is all thanks to Levine. I don’t know what to make of all this information.
After a lot, I finally pull away from the mind link and Rex is staring at me. The bathroom door opens and Gyles walks out with a towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes dart from mine to Rex. I am sure he is wondering what is going. Even with all that Rex has shown me, I still don’t know what to do. The biggest part of me wants to leave. I have been contending on that, whether I need to stay here and help the coven, or just abandon it completely like Levine wanted to. I am terrified that if I stay here, I will get stuck like she was. I don’t want to spend my better years in this place. The happiness I have found with my mates is everything to me.
Staying here is going to hinder my happiness.
“What is going on?’’ he asks confused as he slowly walks to the bed. He stands at the edge of the bed waiting for an answer.
“There is a slight hiccup,’’ I manage.
He sighs and then runs his hands through his wet hair. “We are still leaving, right?’’ he goes straight to the point. No beating around the bush. I wish I could tell him what he wants to right now but I don’t know if leaving is the best thing to do right now.
He watches me, I haven’t said anything but he can sense the hesitation in my eyes. “Fuck Blue, we had a deal,’’ he whines. I know, but I don’t know what to do.
“We are still leaving, I just need to sort some things out here,’’ I tell him honestly. Rex would handle this a lot better than Gyles. He just wants to leave, I don’t know if leaving is a good idea.
“You don’t need to sort anything out. You said you didn’t have any ties here. Why do you keep insisting on staying here? What is this fucking pull?’’ he questions but it sounds like an attack to me. There is no pull here. Maybe the thought that leaving will make me a coward, is the main thing that makes this so hard. I don’t want everyone to see me as the boy that abandoned the coven. I don’t know what is going to happen after we leave.
You don’t have to worry about that. These are not your people. You are more of a werewolf than a warlock.
My wolf informs me. It is safe to say that my wolf is pro me leaving. “Major is in trouble. He might need our help.”
“Why does it have to be you? Why do you feel the need to save everyone?’’
He is upset and I get that but he isn’t even thinking about the things that Major has done for us. If it wasn’t for him, Rex would still be in trouble. How do I turn a blind eye when someone that helped me needs my help?
“You can’t be serious right now.’’
He crosses his arms over his chest “I am. I don’t like this place. The magic, the deceit, I don’t want to be here any longer.” His tone is firm but at the end of the day, if I choose to stay. He can’t force me to leave.
“Then you should leave. This wouldn’t have happened if you had listened to me in the first place. I didn’t want you both to come here. You came on your own. Just go back to the community.’’
He opens his wide, I look away from him and Rex has the same shock on his face. I can’t explain it but I am upset. I am angry that I can’t do anything. No matter how hard I try, it just seems like I keep failing. Gyles is scared that if we stay here, something worse will happen to us. I don blame him. I was unable to protect Rex. I was unable to save Levine—especially after everything she had done for me.
“Maybe I will, I am sick and tired of you feeling the need to control everything.’’ He grabs his clothes from the chair and I watch him walk back to the bathroom. I face Rex again. he looks disappointed in me.
Yes, this is all my fault.
As it usually is.
“You are overwhelmed by what I just showed you,’’ he analyses. He is not right. What he showed me just proved how much of a coward I am? “You need to handle things a lot differently,’’ he continues.
I don’t know what he expects me to do.
I don’t even know what to do.
“You can’t save everyone.’’ He adds.
He is right but I don’t want to accept that just yet. I want to help Major. If that is the last thing I do in this place—then I want to be given a chance.
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