Chapter 211

Blue
We have been together for two weeks now and he is still stuck on denying his feelings. It is not even just about me. He is blocking the pathway for his wolf to come out.
I don’t know what else I can do to let him see that this is who he is. The sooner he accepts it, the better. “You need to do this on your own G, there is nothing else I can do but be there for you,’’ I tell him calmly.
I have never really been the patient time. Things that don’t have progress disinterest me but I have been patient with him. I have held out for so long even though he is the one that is stopping this from happening.
“I don’t know what you want me to do, I don’t feel anything. There is no pull, there is no force. All that you are asking me to feel… I don’t feel it,’’ he is seated on the grass in the field. His legs are crossed together. We have been doing this for too long. I don’t know what else to do. I have tried meditation, communication with his wolf. I can’t even send his wolf a mind link. I have run out of options and I don’t know what else to do because I imagined this going differently. I had it all planned. I was going to bring his wolf out. We would spend time together—bond. That was the way it was supposed to go but for the past two weeks, all I have gotten from him is attitude and disinterest.
The denial he feels for this side of him is so strong. I don’t know if he will ever accept it.
“You need to calm down, exercise your inner self. That is the only way this will work,’’ from my tone, I am exhausted and I am sure he can tell. It is not like he even wanted to do this in the first place, so I am pretty sure it will take nothing from him to walk away from this. I am dying here from desperation. I just want him to accept me—accept us already. It is taking too long and I just want to be with him already. Rex is accepting of both of us but it seems like Gyles only wants him, or rather, he only wants to accept him. I should be fueling up with Rage at that fact but I don’t want to pressurize him.
He has been through a lot.
There are things that must have happened to him that he doesn’t want to remember. I think the only way he can get closure is by accepting the past and then moving on from it but he is in denial. There is a fear that is still stuck on him.
“I don’t know what you want me to do,’’ he sighs out. He is shirtless under the hot sun. His skin is pale. The color that a vampire carries but I know that is not all there is to him.
“Do you want to take a break?’’ I ask him.
He sighs and then gets up from the ground. His eyes meet mine “I am sorry about this,’’ he apologizes.
I shake my head “This is not your fault, I completely understand how difficult this can be. Don’t worry about it. with time, it will all come through.’’
“It wasn’t this hard for you, was it?’’ he asks me.
In two weeks, this is the first time he has even taken any interest in me and my life. I see the invisible line that he drew from the moment we started this. He doesn’t want to get close to me. He doesn’t want to accept the pull.
Right now, there is a faint slash on the wall. His question throws me off and I can’t help the smile that spreads on my face. “I always knew there was something different about me. in my family, I always felt like I didn’t belong.’’
He furrows his brows “So why don’t I have those feelings. Why is it different for me?’’
“Because you don’t want to accept those things about you. The parts of you that are Lycan. You are in complete denial of them,’’ I blurt out those words before I can even stop myself. I don’t want to offend him. Things aren’t even going so great right now.
I thought we would have become closer by now but that line is still so strong in between us.
“Do you want to go out with me, get your mind off everything?’’ I ask, silently praying that he will agree to this. I know this is not something he will be looking forward to. Avoiding me and any emotions are probably all that is on his mind but I want to try. See if he will say yes to this.
“I don’t think it is a good idea,’’ he breathes out.
I knew that was a possibility but it still feels like a knife to my back. The rejection that he has just given me “Rex could come with us. He told me that you wanted to see a movie. We could go watch a movie together. The three of us.’’
I see the look on his face when I mention Rex. There is an excitement that he didn’t have with me. I should be jealous but I know what it is like to not want something. We are so similar that I don’t understand how he doesn’t want to be with me. I understand him. I can relate to everything he is going through, so he should want to spend time with me.
“Please say yes, I want us to do something together. I want to spend time with you that isn’t this,’’ I wave my hands in the air.
He sighs out loud and my heart leaps around my chest. I already sense his acceptance and it makes me very happy.

I walk into Rex’s room and he jumps into my arms immediately. He is small against me. so it makes it easy for me to carry him up in the air. “Hey,’’ I whisper into his ear. I feel him tighten his grip around me.
“How was today?’’ he asks me.
He has been going over my process with Gyles. It hasn’t been going well but I have kind of been keeping things from him because I know how he is. He wants this to happen fast. He doesn’t like that Gyles is taking his time. I don’t mind that he is but I just wish that he would be a little open towards us and the things that we could be. I am a patient man. I have waited 21 years for them. This is a piece of cake to me.
I just have to make sure he doesn’t reject us. In this case, it seems like it is me he wants to reject. Rex has no problem. He is already smitten with him.
“A little better than all the other days. He agreed to go on a date with us.’’ I inform him of the reason why I even came to his room in the first place.
He opens his eyes wide “He agreed to that?’’
I nod.
“How did you get him to do that and I don’t think he wants to hang out with me right now,’’ he confesses which makes me furrow my brow.
“What do you mean? Why not?”
“I have kinda been avoiding him. I didn’t want to distract you guys from the progress you have been having.”
I don’t want to tell him that there hasn’t been any progress. He has been a stiff wall. Gyles is the toughest nut that I have ever had to crack and I haven’t even made a dent.
“Well, he seemed excited to hang out with you. so you don’t have to worry about that,’’ I tell him, carrying him even further up. He rests his head on my forehead and sighs “I wish he would just love you already,’’ he cries.
I wish he would too.
My phone rings in my back pocket and he jumps off me. I pull him close to me as I check the caller ID. It is my mother. I don’t want to talk to her right now. she has been calling me persistently. I know this is just her way to manipulate me. I don’t have the energy for her and her tricks.
“Are you going to get that?’’ Rex interrupts my thoughts.
I place the phone back in my pocket and shake my head “Nah. She will be fine. So about our date,’’ I wink at him.
He giggles and all I can think about is how this will go. I hope I will be able to penetrate through his wall tonight because, for these past couple of days, the torture has been excruciating.
I just want him to be mine.
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