Chapter 336

Blue
“Where is she? You told me you found her,’’ he breathes out with that look in his eyes. The look that makes this harder than it should be.
I don’t know how to tell him. There is this expression on his face. He is hopeful but I already know that there is no hope left. She is dead. How do I tell him when he is looking at me like that?
This is not something he would want to hear. I don’t know his relationship with my aunt but I know there is more than he is telling me and he seems like the only one that genuinely cares about her in this place. Levine wasn’t happy in the coven, she was the one that pushed me to leave. She was the one that gave me the courage to find out more about my truth. Without her, I might have been stuck in this place, living the lie that I lived with my mother. Now that she is gone, I don’t have anything to look forward to in this place. There is nothing holding me here. I want to leave as soon as this is sorted out.
“I don’t think she made it,’’ I tell him because I don’t have any reason to hide or keep this from him. Everyone is so used to keeping secrets in this place—hell, he is keeping things from me too. Granted, people have a right to keep things they don’t want others to know, it is theirs to tell but the secrets they keep in this place is deadly and frankly unwarranted.
His eyes open wide immediately. I see it, the pain and sadness. He shakes his head immediately, maybe he is choosing not to believe. I know this feeling, the denial, and the confusion. I know it all too well. “No, you don’t know for sure. She can’t be dead,’’ he cries. Slowly, I see the tears as they fall from his face. He was trying too hard to control his emotions but how do you stop feeling when you find out that someone you love is gone.
At this moment, I see the love he has for her. Levine was easy to love, I loved her a lot more than I did my own mother. Sometimes, I wondered why the roles were not reversed. She would have been a great mother to me. She had this nurturing side to her, she always made me feel safe in this place.
“She can’t be dead, I can’t live without her,’’ he clutches onto his shirt, his voice shaking. Maybe it was a bad idea to tell him before we found her. I don’t think he will be up for coming with me now that he knows the search will be futile either way.
“I wanted to tell you. I knew you should be the first to know.”
He looks away from me as I utter those words. I am trying to be as comforting as I can. I am trying to feel things in his own shoes. I want to know what happened between him and her. What kind of relationship they had.
I want to know it all but I also know now is not the right time. Now I need him to follow me back to the woods. I need him to go with me because I made a promise to Gyles and I have to keep that promise and the only way to keep that promise is to be safe. I have to come back to them. I have to do things cautiously.
“I need to see her for myself, where is she?’’ he starts to wipe the tears from his face. I don’t know what he is thinking right now but this is good. He is going to follow me as long as he knows there is a chance to get her body back. I can do that for him. Give her a meaningful burial.
“In the woods. I know who is behind it all,’’ I go on to tell him. From all I have gathered, Major is one of the only people I can trust her. He has shown me numerous times now and I think it is safe to give him a chance.
“Who?’’ he asks me calmly. At this point, his eyes are red. He has shed tears for a woman that I am pretty sure he is in love with. Now he is in anger mode. He wants this to end and I feel the exact same way.
“Badger.’’
Recognition flashed in his eyes and then the anger is back again “That motherfucker,’’ he bellows so low. “I knew he was a bastard from the first time he cornered me. I knew she shouldn’t have trusted him.’’ he folds his hands into fists and my eyes remain on his.
“What was your relationship with my aunt?’’ I ask him.
He looks away from me “I don’t want to talk about this right now. I don’t want to explain or try to defend the love I have for her. I don’t want the judgment.’’
“I will never judge you,”
He nods “Can we go look for her, I need to see her for myself,’’ he manages, this is his way of evading the question. I nod in agreement because I need to find Badger. He is the biggest threat we have, he is the one I need to get rid of. Now that I don’t have any ties to the coven. I plan on leaving. I want the elders to know the truth. They will handle the rest on their own.
My only concern is starting a life with my mates, finding happiness that I know I could have. I don’t care about Magic and the evil that comes from it. I don’t care that my mother could have been the worst leader to ever exist.
I should have never come to the coven in the first place.
That is my biggest regret.
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