Chapter 603

Darrien
“You hate me,’’ she blurts out.
I don’t hate her. I hate the person that I was with her. There is a difference but also no point in explaining things to her.
“I deserve this don’t I?’’ she asks calmly.
What exactly is she fishing for?
“You have to be here for a reason Amber unless I don’t see the point of all this. You know I have a link now. I don’t want to have to explain to him why you are lingering around me. I don’t even want to talk to him about you because that life is one that I don’t want to ever remember.”
“You want to throw away our history like it never happened. That is not fair,’’ she manages. I can’t explain to her why I think that it is for the best.
Why she even wants to remember those times baffle me.
When someone talks about toxicity in a relationship, I would like to think that our relationship was as toxic as it could get. Yeah, there are always times in a relationship that you could think back to and smile but I don’t have those times because I think about the things that happened before those good times and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I hate her because of the way she used to make me feel. I don’t want to hate her but that is the only thing that I feel for her. There is no aorta of love left inside me and I don’t know why she can’t even just understand how I feel.
“We were never going anywhere and you know it.”
She nods “We were happy.”
I look at her with my brows creased in confusion. Maybe her definition of happiness and mine are different but the only happiness I know is with Jabi. He makes me feel the things that I always knew I needed but never ever felt. He is a different kind of love that should be experienced, not talked about.
I am happy and she is not going to come here and ruin that for me.
“We weren’t happy Amber and you know it. What we had should have never happened. We brought out the worst in each other.’’
She shakes her head, I can see that she is in denial. Makes me think that there is no trying to convince her “We were D, you know it. I know it. Just because we weren’t meant to be, doesn’t mean we weren’t.’’
I turn to her, taking my eyes off the road for a second “What is the point of this, why are you trying to convince me that we were happy?’’
I want to know what is going on in her head. She must have a reason for this and that is all I want to know.
“You left with no word, in the middle of the night. You didn’t want me to find you.’’ she cries, this is what she wants to talk about? Really?
“We were bound to break up, I just did it faster than you thought.”
“Why? We had a deal, if you ever found your link, I would let you go. Why did you leave on your own?” she wants me to answer this.
I don’t want to answer her.
“Just tell me the truth. Tell me what changed. You keep saying that we weren’t happy but I know we were. I know that you loved me even though you don’t want to admit it to yourself now.’ she pauses, I look at her as she continues “Just tell me why you left.’’
Why I left?
I have numerous reasons as to why I left.
My family hated her.
They knew she was bad for me—I knew she was bad for me but in my rebellious phase, I wanted to prove that I didn’t need a mate. I didn’t need to forces in play to tell me who to end up with. I chose her because she was beautiful, she gave me a kind of excitement I craved. The excitement turned into danger.
I hate who I was.
I hate all the people I hurt because of her and I cannot take it back. I can only try to be better but she doesn’t even see that we did wrong and we shouldn’t have even been together in the first place.
She can’t see the evil that she brought with her.
“You know why I left. Why do you have to hear it from me?”
She sighs “Just tell me. Be honest and tell me the truth.”
I don’t want to say this but it seems like this is something that she needs to hear. Deep down, she knows why I left. She knew what she was doing?
She might act like she is such a good person but she isn’t any different.
“I saw it all. I knew what you planned. I knew what you were going to do to me.” I breathe out finally. It was just by chance. I might have lived my life and never knew what she was going to do.
I see the look of recognition as it flashes in her eyes. She might not really be here but this is as real as I am going to let it.
I don’t want to see her, I don’t want to be close to her again. Bringing her back to my life is one regret I will take with me to my grave. The desperation that made me go back to her will always be there and I will have to live with it but for now, I need to push her away.
I need to make sure I never see her again.
“I loved you—I still do,’’ she tries to defend herself. She knows what I am talking about, the day I found the notes written down, with the ingredients.
“Don’t you dare Amber, I don’t want to hear any of it,’’ I warn her with an angry scowl.
She shakes her head “You didn’t want a link. You told me so many times. You said you were happy with me. I just wanted to keep you with me that is why.’’
“I don’t care. You wanted to know and now you know. I don’t need you defending yourself. I don’t care because it is the past and you should leave it as that,’’ I grip the steering wheel tightly. My hands are shaking.
I am upset and I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me upset.
“I am sorry, I am so sorry,’’ she manages as she sniffles out in tears.
I don’t need her apology.
I don’t need any of it because Amber thought she would be able to take the only thing that made a vampire happy. The fact that I know who my mate just makes it worse. Not ever getting the opportunity to meet Jabi is a fate that I don’t ever want to live.
Never.