Chapter 367
Alanis
“This is not your business. I don’t put my nose in your shit, so I will appreciate it if you do the same.’’
His eyes look away from me.
“I am your brother.’’ I breathe out because I wish he would treat me with the same regard that I have for him. If I had a problem and he came to me, asking to talk about it. I am pretty sure that I would want to share it with him.
“You haven’t acted like a brother in a long time,’’ he accuses me.
I furrow my brows in confusion because I don’t even know what this means. I am the one that is always trying to reach out, I am the one that keeps wanting to make sure that the family stays the same.
“What are you talking about? I have always been here.’’
He scoffs loudly “The moment you decided to be with Beau, you stopped being with the family.” He deadpans and that is not how I see it. just because I moved out of the house and chose to stay in the community with my link, doesn’t mean I abandoned the family.
“That’s not true. You know I had no choice. He is my link. I have to be with him.’’
He laughs “Exactly. He is your new family, so why don’t you stop acting like the one you left behind is important.’’
I know what he is doing. he is deflecting right now. pushing things to me, so that we don’t focus on him. I will not let that happen because I need him to see that this is me reaching out. this is me wanting to see that I am here for him—no matter what.
“I didn’t leave you behind. You will always be a brother to me. no matter what.’’
He sighs “Look, I came for this dinner because I wanted you to know that there are no hard feelings but I need you to back the fuck off. What I and Drusilla are going through is between us. it is not your concern and I need you to just let it go.’’
“She was crying. She thinks you don’t want her anymore.’’
“I never said that. it’s not like I have a choice in all this. it’s not like I can choose to leave all this behind.’’
“You always have a choice,’’ I tell him because I actually believe that. yeah, the deities gave us a push but no one was forced to be with anyone. He chose to be with her, so he can’t say that now.
“Really?’’ he raises his brows with an amused smile.
“Yes. She is the one you chose, so you can’t keep hurting her.’’
He laughs “You mean to tell me that you actually chose to spend the rest of your life with a mutt? Are you being serious right now?’’
“Yes, I am. I would choose this again in a heartbeat. Being with Beau is the happiest I have ever felt in all my life.’’
There are no lies in my statement. I mean every word I just laid on him. Beau is my everything. in fact, when I look at him, I feel like I lucked out. I am lucky to have him as my link. Lucky to have the opportunities that he has brought into my life.
“You chose this pregnancy too?’’
He is trying to make me see things the way he is seeing them right now but I know that whatever is going on with him, has a lot less to do with his link and a lot to do with him. there are things he is not telling me and this conversation just pulls me closer to knowing the truth.
“Yes. I had the opportunity of terminating my babies. This is not something that Beau forced me into doing. yeah, I know it is hard. I get that but at the end of the day. This is my choice. So don’t look at me like I am being forced into something that I don’t want.’’
“You are a man, and you are pregnant. Does that even seem normal to you? do you think this is okay?’’ he cries, trying so hard to get me to see things his way.
“It’s not normal, but nothing ever is. so why should cower in fear.”
He sighs loudly and then I watch him walk back to the bed and sit down on the edge “I am tired of it all,’’ he breathes out quietly, so low that I almost don’t hear it.
I walk over to him slowly because I am closer to knowing what is bothering him “what do you mean?’’
He looks up at me and there are tears in his eyes “I am tired of this life.” Okay, I knew he was going through something from the way he is acting “I don’t want to be here anymore. I have lived too long and I want it to just end.’’
His voice is strained as he wipes the tears out of his eyes. I have never seen Belis like this. he usually always has his shit together. yeah, being a vampire, means having a long life. We are immortal. We can’t die and Belis has lived a long life but at the end of it all, that is why we are given links. So, we don’t spend that life alone. He has a link, a beautiful woman, who loves him.
“You can’t think this way. you have so much to live for. You can’t want to give up now.’’ I reach for him and he doesn’t push me away.
“I have nothing to live for.”
I shake my head “Dru cried today, she didn’t want to lose you. that is someone that loves you irrevocably. She is someone that you have… forever.”
“I don’t want forever anymore.”
I have never seen a vampire that is suicidal. I don’t even know what to say to him to make this better. I have no words and I am sure he knows that.
I don’t want to say the wrong things.
“Can you stay here tonight?’’ I ask him because I am not ready to let him go. I need to fix this, even though I have no clue.
“Okay,’’ he agrees and that is enough for now.
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