Chapter 95

Jabi.
His lips meet mine in a frenzy and my heart cries from all the happiness I am feeling from this.
I have never kissed anyone.
In all my sixteen years, I have never been kissed. I think the fact that he is my first makes it all worth it. Makes this even more special. This kiss is not gentle, I don’t even want it to be. just like in the movies, after all the tension, the longing. The moment your lips meet and the fireworks erupt. That is how it feels as he presses to me and slides his tongue into my mouth for more. I feel one with him, I feel connected. Like our bodies are slowly becoming one from just one kiss.
If I had any doubts about us being mates, I am completely certain now. My life flashes right before my eyes. I see the future. All we can be. I see a family; I see myself belonging to someone… finally.
We move until I feel my back hit the wall softly. In all scenarios, Darrien treats me like I am fragile. Like if I am not handled properly, I would break but at this moment. In this beautiful kiss, he isn’t fragile. he isn’t gentle and I never knew I could love something so much. Kissing always looked gross, so I always felt like it wouldn’t be something I enjoyed. Oh boy, do I enjoy his lips on mine.
He moans into my mouth and that sound will be the end of me. that sound that I never thought I would hear from me. the melodious sound that he just blessed me with. I grab unto him wanting to be even closer—at this point it is not even possible. I am as close as I can get but I want more, I crave more.
He grabs me by my waist, his lips still on mine. He doesn’t stop kissing me, even as he pushes me to couch and slide on top of me. I feel him against me, and my body reacts to him, to his touch. This is the most I have felt in all my life and I never want to lose this. I never want to go back from being intimate. I don’t just want him to take care of me, I want to be his boyfriend, I want to wake up next to him. I want him to love me in the same way that I love him.
I can’t go back from this.
Our lips never part except for a couple of seconds to get air. I hold him, hold him tight from the fear of not getting this moment again. The fear that he will realise what is happening and stop this. wanting more than just this kiss at this moment, I slide my hand into his shirt. he stiffens against my touch but doesn’t stop. Feeling him, like touching him. The texture of his skin against mine is a different kind of feeling. I don’t know how to explain how I am feeling. This is a new thing for me. I haven’t even explored my body; I mean on my own—sexually but I want him to.
I want to give him all of me. My hands grab the hem of his shirt, I want to take it off. I want to feel his skin on mine. Slowly his shirt rides up, almost where I want it. I hear a groan as it travels down my mouth. Slowly he pulls apart from the kiss with his eyes closed. ’’Fuck,’’ he cries so low, that I almost don’t hear him.
I don’t want him to stop. I am not done. I want to know more. I want to explore his body. How will he taste? How will he feel when his shirt it off?
No.
I am beneath him, watching him, waiting for him to realise that he wants more than just a kiss. He wants all of me the way I do, him.
’’There’s no doubt now,’’ he murmurs softly.
I don’t know what he is talking about, but I have an inkling. He is talking about us. That kiss opened doors. Showed me things more clearly. I know what I want now, and I hope he wants the same things I do.
Right now, I want to kiss him. I bend my head forward in a way to try to kiss him again. He sits up on the couch, suddenly detaching from me. No, no, no, no. I don’t want him to let go. I want him closer; I want to taste him again.
’’Do you still think what we did is wrong?’’ I sit up on the couch in the other corner.
He sighs and then runs his hands through his hair. I can feel the awkwardness in the room. I don’t regret the kiss. I will never regret something that made me feel the way I feel right now. For the first time in my life, I feel content, happy. I feel like I deserve to live. I don’t feel like a waste of space and that is all because of Darrien. In just a short time, he has made me feel so much and I am grateful to him.
’’No, I am just so confused,’’ he answers me.
’’Why?’’
He shrugs and then bends till his elbows are pressed on his knees and his hands are covering his face. he doesn’t want to look at me… why?
’’That felt better than I thought it would,’’ he says those words and I can’t help but smile. Happy that he feels that way about our kiss.
’’Me too,’’ being honest about my feelings feel great.
’’I don’t know what to do about this. I want this so badly,’’ he cries.
He wants me. Well, I am here, and I want him too. There is no reason to feel guilty, to think that this is wrong. He is my mate. He is mine, we didn’t choose this. it was fate. We are meant to be together.
I move to him in an instant, unsure of where this sudden courage is coming from. On my knees, I look up to him as he removes his hands from his face. ’’This is not wrong Darrien. Love is never wrong.’’
’’I know…fuck don’t I know this. Maybe I pushed you into thinking this is what you want. You’re just a kid.’’
He keeps repeating that. I hate that he looks at me and concludes that I am a kid. I haven’t been a kid all my life. I was forced to grow up before I needed to. Fend for myself. I didn’t have anyone. I stopped being a kid the moment my parents died.
’’It’s not fair,’’ I cry.
He looks at me as I continue ’’You have no right. How dare you say my feelings aren’t real? How there you act like you are the only one that has validity to how they feel. I just told you I love you. I fucking love you and all you can say is that I am a kid.’’
I rarely curse, in fact, I don’t spew out words like that, but I am angry. I upset that he doesn’t want to give this a chance, all because I am two fucking years younger than him. he might act like he is way older than me because he has lived longer, but he died a fucking teenager. He became who he is because he got a second chance. I finally have my second chance to be who I really am, and he is refusing me.
All the anger in me that I feel at this moment cannot be contained. This is something I am passionate about.
I stand up to my feet and walk into my room as fast as I can. I don’t want him to see me cry. This feels like rejection. I just got him, so why am I being rejected right now. I close the door in a hurry and rest my back on it. I hear his footsteps until he stops outside the door. His breathing is heavy against the door.
’’Baby,’’ he calls me through the door.
Tears well up in my eyes as I try to be tough. He thinks I am a kid. I can’t be crying right now. I should be braver.
’’I love you too… I love you with my whole being. I have loved you since I saw you. I have wanted to kiss you since that motherfucking vampire took you. I don’t mean to make you upset. I just don’t know how to handle this. Please help me, give me time to understand this.’’
I can feel the sincerity from his words. I don’t know how that is possible, I can’t see him, but I know he is genuine. This is new for the both of us, I shouldn’t make him carry the burden of this alone. I should act a lot more mature; prove to him that I am not a kid.
I open the door and he is standing there as I knew he would ’’I am sorry,’’ he says not moving.
I take the first steps to him and reach for him ’’You don’t have to apologise. I guess I overreacted.’’
He shakes his head and brushes a tear from my cheek ’’You didn’t. I don’t mean to make you feel so small. I don’t want to do anything to ruin this. I want you for the rest of my life.’’
I smile ’’I want you too.’’
He nods ’’Can we take this one step at a time? Figure out what this is?’’
’’Sure.’’
He leans forward and I watch him, unsure of what he wants to do. his lips press to mine softly and my heart races as he kisses me again. This kiss is different, innocent. Almost like he is giving me the assurance I need.
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