Chapter 604

Darrien
She is looking at me and the faster I drive the closer I get to the community. I don’t want her anywhere near me once I get home. This shouldn’t be happening right now and I don’t even know how to get out of this mess that I put myself in. I just wanted to give her what she wanted but this encounter has brought a lot of memories that I wanted to forget. The life I lived before I knew better and now I don’t even know how to get out of this.
“Please forgive me D, I need you to actually forgive me,’’ she mutters, still in tears. I don’t know what is going on but I am scared that she is up to something. I mean, why does she need my forgiveness? After all those years.
“I have no reason to forgive you. It is the past. You need to leave things where they are.’’
“You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
She scoffs “I know you do. I can feel it. I know you D.’’
I turn to her “Stop calling me that.’’ I tell her with a glare.
This conversation on its own feels wrong. I hate that I am here with her and Jabi is not aware of anything that is happening. Now that I have brought Amber into our lives. I need to tell him the truth. I need him to know everything that has to do with her because I don’t plan on keeping this from him.
I am an open book with him and that is the way it is always will be.
“I am sorry. Fuck, I should go.” She starts to glitch and in a second she is gone. Just like that, she is not here anymore.
Do I feel good?
No?
I wanted to make things right with her. I wanted her to get her closure but it feels like I only made things worse.
I am pissed.
So angry.
I thought I had let things go all those years back. I thought I had moved on but I haven’t. Thinking about it only makes me feel worse. The anger even intensifies just from the thought of it. Makes me hate her even more.
I get to the community a couple of hours later. My mind is roaming, all thoughts stuck on Amber and maybe I didn’t handle things well.
No matter how I feel about her, she still helped me. She came through when I needed her and that should have been enough to forgive her. That should have been enough to treat her better than I did.
“Fuck,’’ I exclaim as I park the car in front of our place. My hands are shaking, I don’t want to see him with this much resentment emanating from me. I want to be able to focus on him and only him when I have him in my arms. I take a couple of deep breaths—a sort of way to muster up the courage and do what I have to do to get out of the car.
I am not going to call her back.
The best thing to do in this situation is to let things be. There is a lot of hesitation inside me. Like somehow, I am dirty and I need to clean myself before I go to him. That is what Amber has done to me and she wasn’t really even around me.
It takes me a couple of minutes to get out of the car and enter the house. I want to be quiet because I know that he is asleep and I don’t want to wake him up. I just want to hold him until the next day. I want to feel all those things that really make me happy.
The living room is dark, there is a light peeping through the door of our room. I know he is asleep. He probably slept off with the lights on. I wasn’t with him and that gets to him. I miss him so much and it has just been a day. A smile sprawls on my face as I walk into the room. He is under the covers, I can hear and feel him even before I even get to touch him.
I walk over to the bed and pull off my shoes and my clothes at the same time. I haven’t had a shower since I left the community.
I just want to hold him.
He is under the covers and I hear the rise and fall of his chest even though I can’t see him. I reach for the covers and his face comes to light. Fuck, he is so beautiful that it makes me ache. I could look at him for the rest of my life and still, I wouldn’t be content. His face is engraved inside me. I know every feature, every wrinkle, every spot, and every blemish. The perfectness that comes from him.
I don’t know how long I stare at him, I just want to look at him and be thankful that I am still here. That I am alive, that I had the chance to meet him and I had the chance to reunite with him yet again.
I don’t even notice him open his eyes until he calls my name out softly “Dar,’’ he calls me. His voice is low and there is confusion on his face.
I didn’t tell him I was coming.
He opens his eyes wider and I manage a smile as I stretch my arms out to him. In a hurry, he jumps out of the bed and into my arms. His warmth is all I feel as he buries his face in the crook of my neck. I was so cold before I came back home. I felt a chill that only he can take away from me.
“You’re here,’’ he exclaims in excitement “I was so worried but you are here,’’ he adds joyously.
’’I am here.”