Chapter 618

Darrien
Things have been a little weird since my confession.
I don’t know if it is just me but I have had this unsettled feeling inside me. Jabi said he didn’t have an issue with me. he said he loved me no matter what but I have been worried all month. I have been thinking about a way to fix things.
I don’t know how to.
I haven’t heard from Amber since the car ride but she has been at the back of my mind because of the fear that she would try to come back into my life. Fear that she will scatter this amazing thing that I have with Jabi.
Rex and his mates are back in the community.
It has been a month and they seem to be settling right back in. Blue has helped with the mask on Jabi and we are free to go back to my apartment but I haven’t really had a conversation with him about it.
At first, I was here to protect him but now I don’t even want to leave this place. being a vampire, I have always had a family. I had a home—one that I didn’t even stay in, I was always on my own, unless I was needed at home. I didn’t like the containment that came with it but with Jabi, things are different.
For the first time in my life, I want to be in this contained space. I like that it is safe. I don’t have to worry about Jabi, I don’t have to worry about the outside world. I have a family and these people matter to me. I swear, if you had told me that I would have people in my life that I got along with, I would have laughed and told you that you were insane.
I didn’t even get along with my family.
I didn’t get along with Alanis—not even one bit but now, he is the closest thing I have that I can call a brother.
I love him so much—but I would never tell him that.
This thing with leaving the community has been eating me up. I don’t know if I can tell Jabi how I am feeling because I know that he doesn’t want to stay here. He feels the exact opposite way of how I feel.
He hates this place.
He doesn’t belong.
He doesn’t want to.
I walk out of the house and the fresh air hits me. the air in this place is different. I don’t know if it is just because my feelings for this place have changed but the air feels light and very calming. The sky is bright, the sun is a beautiful color above.
I love everything about this place.
“Hey,’’ I hear and turn in the direction of the voice.
Rex walks over to me slowly with a smile on his face. he is dressed in a pair of denim shorts, a white shirt, and slippers. There is a book in his grip. there is always a book in his grip.
I roll my eyes at that thought because Rex can never surprise me.
“Where are you off to so early in the morning?’’ I ask him with a smile on my face. Jabi is still in bed. I left him to come to clear my thoughts but it is not even working. I know that I have to talk to him about how I feel.
I need to make sure that this thing with Amber hasn’t ruined our relationship. I need to tell him how I feel about leaving the community.
I know all this but I am scared that I will somehow find a way to mess things up. I don’t have any other kind of fear inside me, except when it has to do with Jabi. He is the only person that can make me mushy and emotional. He is the only one that can make me afraid and right now, I am afraid.
“Earth to Darrien?’’ Rex waves his hand in front of me and I realize that he is talking to me “Are you okay? You seem so out of it.’’
I let out a sigh and run my hands through my hair.
I am not okay.
At least I think I am not.
“Just got stuff on my mind.’’
He raises a brow and I see him watching me with that ’I am trying to figure you out expression’ on his face. no one can figure me out unless I want to talk about it and I don’t know if I actually want to talk about it.
“Do you ever hide how you feel from Gyles and Blue?”
“Depends?’’
I furrow my brows “What does that mean?’’
“Are your feelings going to hurt him?’’ he asks me.
I don’t know if it will. I know that telling him I want to stay in the community might but he will be hurt if I don’t tell him too and he finds out later. I know I promised to always communicate with him but my main mission is to make him happy and I don’t know if he will be happy.
“It will hurt him.’’
“Are they hurting you?”
Hurting me?
I don’t know but they are messing with my mind a lot.
“No, just a bother.”
“Do you want to tell me what it is about?’’ he asks and the expression on his face is genuine. The night I spent with Rex in that shed changed the way I feel about him. we became close that might and I know that I can trust him. There are a lot of people in this community that I can trust.
So, I tell him.
I tell him everything, from Amber to my thoughts on leaving. I pour out my emotions and he listens to me.
He listens without any judgment.
After I finish, he speaks up “I think you should talk to him. about everything. do not keep anything one bit of your thoughts to yourself. Talk to him because just the same way you are thinking about him, he is thinking about you. He only cares about you.’’
He is right.
I know that.
But I am scared.