Chapter 233
Gyles.
I open my eyes and the sky is dark. A whole day passed before my eyes. There is this ache in my chest. All the memories that I wanted to forget are all stuck in my head. I want to have Blue for doing this to me but I can’t. I don’t even have the courage to hate him anymore. My heart is at the point where it is beating ferociously for him. All the fighting, the pushing. It was all a waste of time because now, all I want is him.
Rex is asleep next to me. I don’t know how long I have been asleep but I think about everything. There is no way I will share these memories with anyone. Not even Rex. The only thing I got out of them is the fact that Roger is the one that caused everything. Is that why I have been holding on for so long? Trying to fight it?
I don’t want to remember him as the person that killed my whole family. I only want good memories. The times we shared, all the things that he did that made me happy. Now all I remember is that man calling him and he told the guy to kill me.
I stand up from the bed and he doesn’t even budge. Slowly, I walk out of his room because I need some air and a bottle of water. I smell a presence in the kitchen before I even walk in and it comes as a shock when I see Alanis devouring chicken. It is weird to me and when he asks me to stay. A part of me feels happy. I don’t have anyone in this community to talk to and most times, I feel like I don’t belong here.
Our conversation goes smoothly until it is my turn to tell a secret. The one thing I don’t want anyone to know. I know what it is but there is this fear inside me. The one that makes me not want to trust him. He told me something major—thinking about it, I can’t even believe it.
It just seems so impossible.
“Come on, your turn. You need to keep your word.” He pushes me with a smile on his face. I take a deep breath because I know I have to do this.
“I got my memory back,’’ I confess.
He opens his eyes wide, probably shocked “Everything?’’
I nod.
“And?’’
“It was a lot.’’
This is harder than I thought it would be and I can’t believe that the one person I am pouring my heart to is none other than Beau’s mate. Roger’s worst enemy.
“I wasn’t kidnapped. The people that took me were my real family. When I was a baby, my father’s best friend planned with a vampire—the man I lived with all my life. They took me away from my parents. Kept me for so long. The ambush that happened was just to get me back. My father wanted me back.’’
It is harder saying this out loud. So hard that my hands start to tremble. He stretches his hand out to me “Chicken?’’ he offers me. I burst out in laughter immediately as he drops the chicken back into the bucket “That was just to get you to smile,’’ he winks.
I smile back at him gratefully. He is making this easier than it would have been. Talking to him is so easy. I didn’t even expect this.
“So, the vampires were the bag guys. I hate to break it to you but we knew all this already,’’ he tells me still smiling.
That is the easier part of this.
“I was with them for a long time until Roger—” I correct myself “Cassius attacked the pack,” I explain because even saying this is very hard. I feel all the guilt I have carried with me. In my consciousness and subconsciousness.
“Wow, so he killed your family?’’
I nod.
He did and that is why I feel like complete shit. I hate that the reason why they lost their lives is because of the man that I loved—who did it because of me. Which in turn makes it all my fault. They all died because of me.
“You think it is your fault?’’ he asks me, almost like he just read my mind.
I nod because I don’t think. I know that it is my fault and the worse part of it all is that I don’t hate him. Roger will always be dear to my heart and even though I know of the things he did. I don’t hate him.
Does that make me a monster?
“You know you don’t have to hate someone just because they are a bad person. Cassius did some bad things in his life and I hate him because of those things, I only knew him as the person that wanted to kill Beau’s family. I didn’t know who he was before all the bad things he did. You knew him when he was good. He made a lot of mistakes but there was still a little good in him. You don’t have to hate him for the things he has done.”
It should make me feel better but it doesn’t.
“I feel like there is no difference between me and him. The fact that I still care about him even though I know all the things that he did. The fact that all those people died because of me.’’
He smiles “You are not like him. You might feel like you are but you still have a chance to make different choices than him. Don’t make the same mistakes that he did. Live your life knowing you did good things.”
I close my eyes because he is right. I still have a chance to have that happy ending that I desperately crave. The one that I can only get with Blue and Rex. I have to make things right. I have to get him to forgive me and see that I am different. I am not the person I was.
The next morning I try to talk to Rex about talking things out with Blue.
“I need him to forgive me. I need things to be cool with us. I am ready for everything.’’ I tell him with hopes that he is on my side.
I don’t want to do anything anymore without Rex’s permission—okay, maybe not permission but I want him to be in the know. I won’t go around doing this that he won’t be proud of anymore.
“I didn’t want to wake you up yesterday. There is something you should know,’’ he tells me and I already know that it is something bad.
“Did something happen?’’ I ask him scared.
I can’t handle anything bad right now.
“Blue went home.’’
My heart freezes from his words. I don’t even know why he left but it already feels like it is my fault. He left because of me.
He left because of you.
My wolf accuses me.