Chapter 84

Darrien.
There is this voice in my head that is controlling all my actions. That same voice pulled me back into the bathroom and told me to get into the tub. That voice is shouting so loud in my head, begging me to make a fucking move and kiss him.
The reasonable part of me won’t do that.
The sensible part of my brain that knows this is so wrong. I am way older than him. I died when I was eighteen. I have lived for a hundred and fifty years. So that makes me one hundred and sixty-eight years old. I don’t know how this works. Am I being a paedophile for wanting this sixteen-year-old boy the way I do?
Shit.
The age thing has been my major concern. I don’t feel good about it because I know it is not right but this pull is out of my control. There is a force that is making me weak and I don’t know what to do about it.
“What are you feeling?’’ he asks still looking at me with those eyes that will only make me weaker.
“About you?’’
We are still in the bathtub. I think water is making him feel better. That is all I want to do. Make him feel better.
“Yes.’’
I think about his question because I am yet to understand my feelings. A lot has happened in such a short amount of time. Things I can’t even comprehend. He wants to know how I feel about him.
I want to know how I feel about the kid.
I look at Jabi and I see so much more than he sees in himself. He is greater than everyone has made him out to be. They say he is weak, that omegas are weak and they need an alpha but this kid is not weak. No one saw how amazing he was that day in the woods. He haunted on his own with so much strength and agility. I have never seen anything stronger than that. Jabi is beautiful, both inside and on the outside.
When he smiles my insides melt.
When he cries my heart shatters.
When he is in pain, I want to take it all away from him. I would swap all my energy to make sure that he is strong enough. I will do my all for him. there is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do to always put a smile on his face. He wants to know how I feel about him.
How do I answer that question to the gravity of it?
“I feel everything. happiness, sadness, fear, pure and unfiltered joy. You have slowly crept into my life and have become my everything.’’ I answer him in the words I can muster.
“I feel the same way,’’ he breathes out. His breath is hot as it travels down to my spine, giving me chills. The fact that he somehow feels what I am feeling makes me happy. I wouldn’t have been able to handle all these emotions if it was one-sided. I can’t act on them because I still need to respect the fact that he is still young. A child and he might just be confused about his feelings. He has been alone most of his life, which has been a short life but I want to watch him grow to the man I know he will become. I am a vampire, I could have a long as life with him but I just have to wait, patience is the only way I will feel good about this.
He moves closer to me and his arms outstretch. It is an invitation to pull him closer and I don’t fight it. This is not wrong, as long as I don’t make it sexual, we are fine. We will be fine.
My arms wrap around his waist as I pull him even closer with my legs in between his body. He rests his head on my chest, with slow breaths. There is something calming with being in his arms. All my worries dissipate, I just live in this moment with no fears.
He turns his head until he is looking at me, his eyes are dark, so fucking tempting “Would it be wrong if I say I want to kiss you so badly?’’ he breathes those words out and my heart aches from them.
I want to kiss you so badly.
I cannot say those words out loud because the moment I do, things are going to go south. I will lose all my self-control and ruin the most beautiful thing in my life. this is very hard for me because I want to so badly, I want to kiss him and so much more.
I close my eyes to try and stop thinking about it. I don’t want to think about how his lips will feel against mine. What he will taste like. I hate that I have these thoughts in my head. I don’t know if he is still watching me, I don’t even want to look into his beautiful brown eyes.
“Can I kiss you?’’ his voice breaks out.
I don’t know why he is pushing this and I also don’t want to refuse him. I never want to refuse him of anything. From this moment till the day I no longer exist, I want to live for him. he brings his hand forward and brushes his fingers on my face. I feel the chills from his touch, all the feelings I am trying to deny.
“I am not a kid; you don’t have to worry. This is not wrong.’’
Now he is at the point of trying to convince me. I guess this is all my fault. I am the one that came in here. I shouldn’t have done that but the voice in my head pulled me into this tub and there is no going back.
“You know we can’t do this.’’
I open my eyes and he is watching me now, with this intent stare that is skin-crawling. “Why not?’’
“I need to be sure your feelings are sincere and this is not just about you wanting this because I want it.’’
“I’ve felt this way since the first time I saw you.’’
He is being very confident right now. Maybe it has something to do with almost dying today. Near-death experiences tend to do this to people. I know how it feels to die. I mean I became who I am because I died.
“Let’s take this one day at a time,’’ I tell him because that is the sensible thing to do. I will wait for him to come of age. We don’t have to rush into this. he will grow up to be the man I know he will become and I will be right here. There is no going back from Jabi.
He looks away from me and I feel like I have upset him. I don’t want to upset him. The water is warm now, already getting cold. I need to get him out and dried up, I don’t want him catching a cold.
“You trust me, right?’’
He nods even with the sad expression on his face, I pull him to me again and he doesn’t push me or fight to getaway. That means he is not upset with me, which is a good thing. I grab his chin and pull him till he is looking at me again.
Slowly I lean forward until my lips are on his forehead and press them softly going for an innocent peck. He lets out a breath of relief and I close my eyes from the feel of his skin on my lips. This is innocent, it shouldn’t feel this way. Just a kiss on his forehead and I feel like I am on top of the fucking world. I might have had doubts before but I am so sure now.
Jabi is my link.
He is the one.
I hear my phone ring from the room and this makes me pull away from him. he jolts away even though we haven’t done anything yet. You see why I say he is still too innocent. His cheeks are red and he is avoiding my eyes. I get out of the tub and he stays in almost like he wants me to leave first. I grab a towel from a rack “Come on,’’ I urge him out.
He obeys me immediately and I look away from his body. I don’t want to be tempted. I need to stay strong even though he is pulling me in.
I watch him cover his body with the towel and I ruffle his hair playfully “Come out when you are dry.’’ I tell him as I grab another towel and walk out of the bathroom.
I grab my phone and see a missed call from Eligio. I dial his number back and he answers on the first ring.
“Did you get to him?’’ he asks immediately.
“Yes, he is with me.’’
“Good, we need you back here.” With that, he ends the call. I don’t know what is going on but he sounded serious.
Whatever it is must be important.
I don’t want to leave Jabi right now.
Shit.
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