Chapter 650

Darrien
“Have you ever hated your kids, even for a second?’’ I ask Lanis out of the blue.
He raises a brow “Huh?’’
I sigh running my hands through my hair.
This is messing with me.
Fuck.
“Like, have you ever gotten angry with the twins and just wished you never had them?’’
“Dude, what is this about?’’ he asks concerned.
I don’t know.
“Jabi.’’
“Do you want to talk about it? You seem very worried,’’ he walks over to me and sits down on one of the stools in the kitchen. He was making lunch for the kids; I was just watching him. Deep in thoughts about last night.
Jabi hasn’t talked to me since I stormed out of our room and I don’t even want him to. I don’t know the right words to say to him right now. I don’t know what is going on with him and it seems like he doesn’t even want to talk to me about it.
I just know that he doesn’t feel the same things that I feel for that bundle of joy in our life.
“I think he hates Tala,’’ I confess those words and this is the first time I have actually said those words out since she was born. It has been hell. I feel like I have been alone. I feel like all the love I have for her is not there in his heart. This thing between us was supposed to bring us closer, but it is only driving us apart.
“He doesn’t hate her. You can’t say that.’’
I scoff “I have been trying to look for a way to talk to him about this. Ask him, see if he is okay. I don’t think he is. I have noticed too many things.”
He furrows his brows “Like what?”
I take a deep breath as I remember the night we brought her back home from the infirmary.
I think about his reaction and how he was.
***********
“You hold her,’’ Jabi says as he pushes her to me. I don’t have any reasons not to collect her from him.
This is the most excited I have been since forever.
I have a daughter.
This little bundle in my arms is my daughter.
I peep into the blanket and her eyes are closed. She is sleeping soundly. It has been two weeks since she came into this world and I still can’t get enough of her. She is beautiful. She looks exactly like Jabi. Her eyes, her tiny lips.
Everything about her is perfect and I am in complete awe of her. “She is so beautiful,’’ I say as I hold her closer to me and take a whiff of her scent. From the hospital, it has been engraved within me. I will forever recognize her until the day I die.
I look up to Jabi slightly as he walks over to the couch. He is dressed in a pair of shorts and my shirt. I am the one that picked out his clothes. He has healed nicely and almost looks to be back to normal.
There is just something about him.
Something that I can’t read and it is weird for me not to be able to read him.
“I need a shower,’’ he exclaims as he rests his back on the couch. His eyes are closed, he looks exhausted. I don’t blame. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t able to do anything but be there for him. I sit down next to him with Tala in my arms. She is still sleeping.
“Do you want me to join you? I can put her down and we could….” His eyes light up from my suggestion. The excitement is evident. He wants this. At least, he will never get tired of our intimacy.
“Yeah,” he smiles “I’d like that.”
He leans forward and I welcome him as he kisses me softly. This kiss is inviting. My body responds to him, completely eager for me.
Tala shuffles in my arms and I hear her squeals that always leads to her crying. He pulls away from me and I see him look at her as she starts to cry. There is an expression on his face, it almost looks like anger, but it can’t be. Right?
“Hey there,’’ I pat her gently, still looking at him intently. I am trying to figure out what is wrong but I can’t pinpoint it and I don’t want to look for problems where there are none.
“I should go shower now,’’ he tells me, detaching from me and our baby and leaving the room.
He doesn’t bat an eye as he closes the room door and a couple of minutes later, I hear the shower running. I take Tala to her room, the one I prepared for her while he was in the hospital and I feed her.
Jabi doesn’t come back to check on her the whole night, it almost seems like he doesn’t care about her…almost.
**********
I tell Alanis and he listens to me.
All through, I thought it was just in my head. I wanted to give him time and space to understand what is happening. Before this happened, he said he was ready and he convinced me but now, I feel like maybe he just wasn’t.
“He could have post-partum?” Alanis tells me calmly like that is the most logical explanation.
I frown at his words. “Is that even possible for our kind?’’ I know what post-partum is but I can’t even imagine Jabi in that light. This worries me more because as the words leave Alanis’s lips, it all makes sense and everything seems to be coming to play.
“How do I handle this? How do I make him better?’’ That is all I want to do. I just want to get the old Jabi back—is that even possible? Things have changed, we are both different people from all our experiences. I don’t want the old Jabi back but I just want him to be happy.
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