Chapter 432

Alanis
It still hurts.
This is like nothing I have ever felt and I have faced death before. I know it is not time, I haven’t even connected with them yet. I am supposed to be able to feel them, I am supposed to be able to communicate with them but they are just not there. I know for a fact that it is not time.
I have fully accepted them, I am eager for them to come into my world but I haven’t had that revelation yet. The one that lets me know I am ready for this. Beau seems to have connected to them a lot more than I have and they are inside me.
“I want the blood to go into him the natural way,’’ Ogma tells him calmly.
“Why?’’ Beau asks her impatiently.
During this pregnancy, I have not been craving blood like I used to. Food is the most I have craved.
I do not understand why the change but I am not complaining, the food here is good.
I try to control my breathing so that I do not show my fear.
“Because he is human right now, everything that is going on inside his body is human. I don’t want to treat him like a vampire. So can you just let me do this the way I think is best?’’ she asks him calmly. Beau is overreacting but this is what he does–especially since this has to do with me. I don’t expect any less from him. There is nothing he can do about the situation, so he is doing the only thing he is allowed to do right now. He is worrying. It has just been a couple of hours and the pain is still as immense.
“When is it going to stop hurting?’’ I ask her because I just need this to stop.
“I don’t know, from the sonogram, your babies have grown a lot faster than the normal rate. They are two inside you and they are don’t have enough room in there. Hence the bruises. The blood is only going to intensify their energy, so I can’t say if the pain will ever subside.”
“Are you saying he is going to be in pain for the rest of the pregnancy?’’ Beau interjects.
“I can’t say for sure but it seems like it. I will talk to Alby, see if there is anything we can give him but this is all new to us. We are all just half-assing it.”
“It’s okay, I can handle the pain,’’ I tell them.
“I don’t want you in pain, we don’t even know how much longer this is going to be,’’ he deters quietly.
“It’s okay, I want this, I want our babies so please don’t worry about anything,’’ I try to get him to see that this is not so bad. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. I signed up for this and he also signed up for the uncertainties. So we just have to take it the way things are.”
Ogma coughs nervously “I should leave you to get some rest,’’ she tells me and I smile at her, my hand still on my stomach. I don’t know what I am looking for but I just want to feel them. They are supposed to be moving around, they are supposed to be feeding on my blood but I can’t even feel them. I don’t feel anything but the pain.
Ogma walks out of the room and Beau sits down on the bed next to me, his eyes are filled with worry. I want to wipe that expression out of his face but I know that he will always worry. No matter what I say.
“Come on,’’ I tell him gesturing for him to get on the bed with me.
He shakes his head “I don’t want to hurt you.’’
A small laugh escapes me at his words “You won’t hurt me.’’
“How do you know that?’’ he asks me, his voice is full of concern and I have no words for him. I just want him to come to bed with me.
“Just do it,’’ I tell him sternly. He doesn’t move for a minute and I can hear his heart beat echoing in the room. It is mixed with mine and it is like we are both trying to get the other to back down.
We both move at the same time, and I pull him into my arms. He is tense and I can feel that he isn’t sure if he is making the right move. He settles in next to me and I lock my arms around him, my hand on his back. He is warm, his heartbeat is loud and it is comforting. I am tired and I want to just go to bed but I don’t know how to sleep with this pain.
“I am sorry,’’ he says after a while.
“For what?’’ I ask him. He should never be sorry for anything.
“For this,’’ he says and I know exactly what he is talking about.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. I knew what I was getting myself into, I knew that this was going to be hard,’’ I tell him.
“I feel like I am not doing my part like I am not doing anything to help you and it’s killing me,’’ he tells me.
“You are helping me the best way you can, you are here, and you are here for me. That’s all I need you to be,’’ I tell him. He is really just worrying about the wrong thing.
“I feel like I am the only one not feeling them,’’ he says and I feel his muscles tense up because that is all I have felt since I found out.
“I feel the same way,’’ I tell him honestly.
He opens his eyes wide. I know he expected me to have already bonded with them. I am the one carrying them after all.
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