Chapter 509
Jabi
“You did it all on your own?’’ Rex asks me with shock written on his face.
I shrug my shoulders in response because it is not a big deal but there is this look on his face that tells me he is impressed.
“You know, that night that we were attacked by the vampires, I saw it in you. I knew you could fight your own battles.” He smiles at me and I watch him as he rests his back on the couch.
He is here to make sure nothing happens to me but I don’t think there is any need for that.
“Thanks, I guess.”
I look away from him and to the door, he has been gone for a couple of hours and I have been the worst host. I don’t actually want to talk about everything that happened with Lenny and the island. I want it to be a thing of the past but somehow, rex’s mission is to keep talking about it and reminding me of all the violating things he did to me.
He wants to know how I was able to survive, he wants the nitty-gritty details of everything that happened and it is making me upset.
“What’s in a hybrids blood?” he asks me.
I furrow my brows. I know that Rex is mated to a hybrid which just means that he is probably curious about it because of Gyles.
I get that but I don’t want to talk about it.
“Can we talk about something else please?’’ I ask him.
He sits up on the chair and sighs in his usual sarcastic way.
“Fine, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about?’’ he smiles faintly. I can tell he wants to know more about the situation but I am at least glad that he is letting it go.
“Do you think it is a good idea to move back to the community?’’ I ask him because I am still not sure if it was a good idea to agree to the decision of moving.
He furrows his brows “You’re moving back here?’’
I shrug “I guess, Darrien wants me safe.’’
He nods his head in agreement “I guess he has a point. I mean you could have died. I know how he feels.’’
I sigh because this is not what I want to hear. “I don’t want to be here,’’ I confess because it has been eating at me since Darrien brought it up today.
“Do you hate this place that much?’’ he asks me quietly.
I shake my head because hate is such a strong word but when I think about the community. I think about the place where my parents were murdered. I think about the place that abandoned me because of who I was. I don’t think about safety and protection.
I don’t know why he can’t see that.
I know he is scared but he just decided and didn’t even think to ask. I couldn’t say no because he didn’t give me the chance to say no and I didn’t want to upset him. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude but I don’t feel like this place is home to me. I have never felt that way.’’
He nods in understanding “This is the typical omega feeling. I know how you feel.’’
I scoff because he doesn’t know how I feel. He will never know how I feel because he always had Beau. I was the outcast. The one that Beau had to sneak food too. The one that was condemned to suffering.
“You don’t know how I feel,’’ I roll my eyes and look away from him because I don’t actually want to rehash all the bad things that have happened to me. I don’t want to remember all the cold nights, alone, sad because I thought I would never be loved.
Darrien came into my life and in a couple of meetings, he showed me the kind of love I didn’t think I deserved. I don’t need anyone else but him.
“Because I lived with Beau?” he asks me calmly, not even taking any offense to my snapping.
“Yes, you had a family. He took care of you.’’
He smiles “He took care of you too,’’ he points out.
“He had to sneak food to me all the time, they didn’t let me go hunting with you guys. It wasn’t the same.”
“Do you know all the things I went through? You can’t blame it on the community. Blame it on the older ones, Fallon did a lot of damage when he was in control with Rick. It is not the same, I think you need to let it go. Things are not the same anymore.”
I shake my head because not only does he not understand but I can’t even explain it to him because I don’t understand it. I cannot and will not rehash all the things that happened because they are all in the past.
“I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to.’’ I finalize and he looks at me and I see the defeat in his eyes.
“Then talk to Darrien, don’t just keep it all inside you because it will come out and when it does, it might not be pretty.”
“I know. I know I need to tell him but I font know how to. I just got back to him and I don’t want to mess that up.’’
“I just have one thing to say to you, no matter what you do, Darrien will still love you. So why not ease up on the guilt and be a good mate to him. Just talk to him and maybe you can compromise.”
He is right but I know that I am too weak to just listen to him.
I don’t know how long I can stay in the community before he figures it out. I don’t know if I want to come back to the place that turned its back on me.