Chapter 518

Gyles
Blue is never on my side.
Sometimes, I think if we are all equal in this relationship and I know he doesn’t even see it. He thinks he is being mutual; he thinks he is doing this for my own good but now all I have is regret.
Alanis said the best thing to do was to talk to him about it all and I did that. I was honest but the way he is reacting makes me think that I shouldn’t have even been honest in the first place.
I get where he is coming from, I know what that place does to him and I don’t even want to go back there but just even knowing that his mother is still alive with all the bad things she has done, makes me want to go back there. Makes me want to try and protect the people she would hurt in the future.
This is not only about Eleanor.
Yes, she needs me right now, I have to find a way to set her and the others free but at the same time, I have to find a way to stop Analise.
Blue just thinks I am doing this to be stubborn. To be–like the way he said it ’The way I always am’.
This is not for fun. I am not doing this to risk anyone’s life. I just don’t feel completely free. Even though I have not been seeing or hearing their voices for a while. I feel them inside me.
There is an ache in my chest. Tugging at my heartstrings. I feel like I can’t fully breathe properly until this is sorted out. I feel like I can’t put my life on hold for much longer.
Alanis told me to talk to him about all the things I have been feeling but he hasn’t even given me a chance to fully talk to him.
I just said one thing and he shut me off completely.
“I need you to just listen to me. I need you Blue. Please treat me like you would Rex.’’ I beg him desperately.
I know this is not the best way to do this.
I am guilt-tripping him.
“What does that even mean?’’
He is putting that wall again. The one where he chooses to interpret my words in the way he wants to.
“Blue, why are we fighting over this. Why are you making this seem like something that I am enjoying?’’ I feel like I am at the end of my rope. I feel like this is all because of Blue’s mother.
I know this is not my fault.
I do not want to fight with him.
I just want to find a way to fix this situation without us fighting. I hate this so much and he doesn’t seem to even notice.
“Baby, I am doing what is best for all of us. I am being strict about this because I know the outcome of this. I know what my mother can do. I know the hurt that she is capable of and I don’t want anything to happen to you,’’ he sighs and grabs my hands in his “I am doing this because I love you.”
I feel my heart drop. I feel like I am almost going to cry. I feel like I want to shut it all out.
“You are the one who is stubborn,’’ I tell him. This is him manipulating me. he is trying to play the ’I love you’ card. He is trying to shut me down completely.
“Fuck,’’ he lets go of me and stands up from the steps. “You are not going to listen to me, no matter what I say,’’ he walks away. His back is turned to me and he is staring out at the back gardens.
I feel like this is not fair.
I did not ask for this. I did not even want to go through all this. I hate having to be so emotional.
I feel like this is my fault.
I am the reason why all this is happening but at this point, I can’t keep on playing the blame game. I have to make up my mind and stick to it. I grab my phone from my pocket and dial Alanis’s number. I know he has his shit to deal with but he is the only one that I can talk to.
“Yo,’’ he answers immediately. I hear babies crying in the background but the sounds reduce and I gather he left the room.
“You busy? I can call back.’’ I say.
“Nah, Beau is with them. What’s up?” he asks.
I take a deep breath as I tell him everything that happened and he listens to me until I am done.
“He doesn’t even want to listen. He is just being fucking authoritative and controlling.’’ I tell him and the more I talk about it, the more it hurts me.
I hate that he handled what I told him the way he did. He basically just didn’t listen to me.
’Okay, this is not how I thought he would react,’’ Alanis mutters quietly. ’’I thought he would be supportive.’’
’Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.’
’No, he still needed to hear this from you. You had to be the one to tell him. Trust me. You did the right thing but you can’t always control how people would react to things.”
I sigh.
’He is my mate. He is supposed to be on my side.”
’’Yeah, I guess you’re right,’’ he says after a pause. ’’What are you doing now?’’
’I have no idea. I will have to wait for him to come back home. He left angrily and I don’t think I can fix this.”
“So, I need you to be patient with him. I need you to have a decent conversation and I need you to also compromise. Meet him halfway. So, you know that you need to go back to the coven, you know that is something you have to do. So, find a way to include him in this plan. Make sure it is thought through. I need you to talk to your mate because all you have is each other.”
I listen to him and I know he is right but I also don’t know how I am going to do this.
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