Chapter 521

Alanis
“I lost control earlier,’’ I tell him in a soft whisper.
We are still in bed. I don’t want to get up, I don’t want this night to ever end. His arms are wrapped tightly around me. His
breath is warm against my neck.
I feel safe and peaceful.
“What happened, not that I am complaining. I mean, that was insane.’’ he chuckles in my arms.
I smile because I am so fucking grateful.
“I just wanted to love you. I wanted to show you how much I love you.’’ I don’t know how to put it in words. It was so incredibly intense. It was so raw. I did not expect it to happen. I just knew that I wanted to be close to him. I felt all that and more and I know he felt the same way too.
“Did anything happen with Gyles?’’ he asks me.
I shake my head “Just a couples dispute. Nothing serious but it made me think a lot.” I confess.
He nods.
“About?’’
“About us. About how I got lucky with you.” I tell him all the things that have been on my mind.
“Oh, you’ve been thinking about us?’’ he asks me.
“Yes. I mean, how could I not?’’
“You know how important you are to me and how much I love you, don’t you?’’
I nod. I take a deep breath, enjoying this point in my life. I am happy, he is happy. Everything is going great.
“Would this be the wrong time to bring this up,’’ Beau asks me.
I shake my head “I am going to do it. We have to kill Fallon.’’ he breathes out into the air.
I feel chills from his words because I know how hard this was for him. This decision is not for the faint heart.
Agreeing to this makes me love him even more.
“Are you sure about this, you know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,’’ I tell him because no matter what decision he makes, I will support him? If he decides to keep him, prisoner, I will be fine with it.
I might not agree with his decision but I will support him.
“I can’t have him around–alive. I have my babies to worry about. Anyone that could be a threat to their lives will have to go. He killed my father, he is not a good person and he has no remorse, so there is no point sparing him when I don’t even trust him.” I kiss his cheek.
“You are a good man, Beau, I am so proud of you.’’ I kiss him on the lips this time. His hands engulf me tightly. I love being held by him.
“Thank you,’’ he whispers. ’
I close my eyes because this night has been perfect.
Everything I wanted and more.

I hear the cries through the baby monitor. Beau is snoring lightly next to me. After our very amazing night, we had a shower and called it a night. I can say for a fact that I wore him out completely and his decision to end Fallon’s life must also be taking a toll on him.
He shuffles on the bed but I am quick to mute the monitor. I stand up from the bed and grab the closest clothing I can find, which is one of his boxers on the chair. I put it on and walk out of the room. I trot over to the baby’s room and only Colm is awake, which makes me happy.
I tiptoe over to him, he is lying on his back, his tiny legs are kicking the blanket off him. I smile because no matter how stubborn and demanding he is, I love him with my whole being.
I hold his warm body close to me and snuggle up against him. I stroke his hair softly as I try to get him to go back to sleep. “Hey, are you going to wake up my other baby?’’ he giggles.
I smile at his reaction because I know he doesn’t understand a word I am saying. “Let get you a bottle,’’ I tell him as I lead him out of the room and to the kitchen. I heat up some formula for him and we go back to the room.
He snuggles up to me and I hold him close to me again as I feed him the bottle. He is quiet, as he always is in my arms. If Colm was given the chance, he would want to be in bed with me and Beau.
He is the clingy one among the two of them.
The one that likes attention. The one that I would say is a daddy’s boy. I love that he is this way. I love that he stops crying when I hold him. Almost like he just knows that he is safe in my arms, that he has nothing to worry about. Just the same way I feel with Beau.
I know I am safe.
I have nothing to worry about.
Once I am done feeding him, he goes back to sleep and a satisfied smile crawls on my face as I put him back in bed and go back to the room.
Beau opens his eyes once I lie down on the bed “Hey, what’s up,’’ he manages in a dazed confusion.
I pull him into my arms and he rests his head on me “Colm but he is back asleep,’’ I tell him.
He breathes into me and I close my eyes as he nods softly. “You smell like Colm,’’ he mutters quietly.
I smile. I smell like baby food but I guess that is how he smells.
“I like the way you smell,’’ he adds. He is in between sleep and being awake but I like the words he is saying. I like that he is present with me.
Present in us.
I kiss his forehead.
“Goodnight baby,’’ he whispers to me.
I close my eyes.
“Goodnight.”
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