Chapter 252
Gyles.
The drive is long but just knowing that I will get to see him soon makes it all worth it. we have been in this car for hours and I can tell that Rex is tired. I don’t want to wear him out and I don’t even know how to drive.
My eyes shift to him and he manages a faint smile, the kind that tells me that he is just doing this for me. I know he doesn’t want to be in this car right now. He and Blue are cool. I know he misses him but he doesn’t want to do anything that will make Blue upset. I know this is another selfish move, I know I am just thinking about myself and how to make things right between all of us but for once in my life, I want to do right, the only way I can do right by the two of them is if I get us all together. I need to make sure our mating is successful. I need to be the person that they want, not someone that just thinks about myself.
You are thinking about yourself right now.
My wolf reminds me. One minute, he is on my side, the next minute, he is against me. I can’t please him. I don’t know what to do to prove to them all. I have been selfish all along but that is not what I am about right now.
“We should take a break,’’ I suggest. Rex glances at me for a second and then shakes his head slowly.
“I think I should keep driving.’’
I sigh because this is not the time to be stubborn. He is tired and I don’t think it is a good idea for us to keep going. I see a motel as he drives by slowly “Come on, we just passed a motel. Let’s call it a night and start our journey tomorrow.”
“If we keep driving. We will get there before the morning.’’ He interjects.
I frown “There is no good showing up late at night. Let’s just take a couple of hours to recuperate and then we can continue the journey.’’
He sighs but I can already sense him giving in. “alright, we will get the next one,’’ he meets me in the middle. I haven’t talked to Rex about how he feels about all this. I want a bond with him and things were going very well in the beginning but along the lines and all the emotions. I lost sense of what was important. I had a fear, one that I dint want to talk about but now, I am ready to talk to both of them, I am ready to compromise. I am ready to be good for the two of them. At first, I didn’t understand the relationship—till now, I still don’t understand why we have to be three but I see and feel things that make me okay with it. I don’t mind that we all have to share each other.
I want to give them my all and be a better person for them.
We get to the next motel that we see, which took us about another thirty minutes and according to Rex, a lot closer to Blue. My heart has been beating heavily all day. I am excited to see him even though I know he might not be excited to see me.
“Come on,’’ Rex parks the car and the parking lot and walks out of the car. I grab the bag I brought with me and he raises a brow in question “Do you need to bring this with you. we are just in the room for the night,’’ he reminds me.
I nod “Yeah, I know, I just want to have a shower,’’ I tell him because the weather has been extra hot today and all the nerves from this trip have made me a sweaty mess. He pays for the room and I watch him helplessly. I have been feeling so helpless lately. Like there is nothing I can do right. I couldn’t love Blue and Rex right. I basically ruined Cassius’s life. If I never met him, he wouldn’t have done all the things he did in his life. Lately, I have been thinking about him a lot. There is a lot of hidden anger within me. I loved him so much—on my own choosing. He was the most important person to me and I hate how his life turned out. I wish there was something I could have done to make things right. I wish things didn’t go the way they did. All these things that happen are connected and it is all my fault.
We walk into the room together and the first thing I notice are the twin beds “I am not sleeping alone,’’ I tell him blatantly.
He turns to me with a smile on his face. The dimples on his cheek deepen “Oh really?’’ he asks playfully. I drop the bag on one of the beds and walk over to him with a smile on my own. I grab his hands in mine.
“I want to hold onto you all night,’’ I confess because being alone is not appealing to me anymore. I have thought about how my life will be with the two of them and I want it all. I want the happiness that will come with not feeling lonely anymore. I want it all and maybe this is the only selfish thing that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
“I want that too,’’ he leans forward and I press my lips to his. I close my eyes and get lost in his lips. The fireworks erupt in my head as he pulls me closer to him. My heart thuds in my chest. I never would have thought it would be possible to feel the same way for two people at the same time. Like kissing Blue and kissing rex both feel right. I have no doubts or worry and I want to relish this completely. I grab him by his waist and he pushes me until my back is against the wall. Slowly he pulls apart from me “We have a mission, let’s not fuck it up any further.’’ He breathes heavily against my mouth.
I rest my head on the wall because I know what he is talking about as I feel him hard against my leg. If anything happens between us in this room, Blue will never forgive me this time. Right now, I know I still have a chance with him. I am reveling in that notion that we will all still be together again.
I want to hold on to that.
“Let’s just stick with cuddling for tonight,’’ I agree with him, releasing a sigh of frustration. He chuckles and lets go of me, walking over to the bed.
“You should have your shower,’’ he reminds me and I walk into the bathroom. There is a tub and a sink with a toilet. The walls of the bathroom are dirty and I don’t think having a shower is comforting anymore. I walk over to the mirror and the person I see in the reflection is someone else. Yes., I am staring at myself but it feels like there is something, or should I say a lot different about me. I close my eyes because this is exciting. The prospect of a new beginning. A different kind of life.
Once I open my eyes again, I see Blue in the mirror and he looks very upset.
Oh shit.