Chapter 412
Rex
I know that this is all a trick, I know that this is all in my head but I can’t help but feel jealous. I can’t help but feel the way I feel. I can’t help but feel like I am not good enough.
I can’t help but feel like I am not what Blue and Gyles want. I can’t help but feel like I am not good enough for them. I have always had all these feelings inside me. From the day they met each other. There was this voice at the back of my mind, one that told me that I wasn’t the only one for them. I wanted to be the one they shared. I liked when I was in the middle of things and I know it is selfish and it is not something I have ever said out loud but it has been there and I hate that this is the fear the goddess decided to use.
I start to cry because I know that this is all in my head. I can’t help but think that this is the punishment. I can’t help but think that this is what it feels like to be completely alone.
I can’t help but think that this is what Blue and Gyles will do to me.
I can’t help but think that this is what they have always wanted.
I start to cry harder.
I think about all the fun things we have done together, all the fun things we have shared. All the time we have spent. I think about the way it felt when Blue kissed me for the first time. I think about all the fun we had.
I think about the way it felt when Gyles kissed me.
I think about the way I felt when they both kissed me at the same time.
“It is real.” I breathe out through my tears. They are still on the bed, they are having sex, without me.
“What we have is real,’’ I say louder this time because I am not going to let this get to me. I know this is not real.
This will never be real.
“We have done it without you before, I mean, that is why you are here in the first place.’’ Blue turns to me and smiles, he sounds evil. This is not the man that I know.
This is something else, something darker, this is not real.
“We have done it before and we can do it again,’’ Gyles says, his voice is the same.
This is not real. The fact that they are talking to me means that they can see me. I thought I was just a fly in the wall and now that they are talking to me, I don’t want to have a conversation with them.
How am I supposed to accept that this isn’t real when they are looking at me with such intensity? when this all feels a lot real.
I look at my hands because I don’t want to look at them. I don’t want to hear what they have to say. I don’t want to cry in front of them. This is my punishment; I have to go through this if I want to get out and go back to them.
“This is a dream,” I say and I know that I am making myself feel better.
“This is just a dream,” I say louder this time. I know that this is the only thing I can do and I know that this is the only way that I can get back to them if I stand up for myself.
“This is just a dream,’’ I say louder again.
I am not going to let this get to me.
“You might think that this is a dream and maybe it is but you have to know that this is how we really feel. You are a burden, a weak omega. One that we don’t even want.’’ Blue mutters.
his words hurt.
This is not real.
I shake my head as his words get to me, I stand up from the bed because I want to be away from him and this situation. I would rather be in the cold cave alone, than watch the men I love, hate me. I walk over to the door and it opens easily. Maybe this is what I am supposed to do.
Leave this situation.
Show strength.
“Everyone is going to leave you, even your parents chose death over you,’’ Blue shouts just as I leave the room.
the door closes behind me and I am left alone in the dark. I stand there for a while and I am not sure what to do. I know that this is a dream and that I have to wake up but I can’t control it. The air around me is cold and I smell the faint scent of snow. There is a path just in front of me and I know that I am supposed to walk down it.
I start to walk and I try and focus on the fact that this is a dream but it is hard and the voice in the back of my mind is telling me that if I don’t wake up, I will be alone and this is real.
I can’t help but think about the way they looked at me.
They looked at me like I was a burden, they looked at me like I was useless.
The way they were talking to me was harsh and I can’t help but think that maybe it is the way they have always felt about me.
Shit, no, this is getting to me.
I am losing my fucking mind.
I stop at the end of the trail and I see a fire, one that is bright and somehow might bring warmth to my cold mind. I walk over to it and place my hands in front of it, rubbing them together.
For the first time, I can see my hands and they look so small. My hand is smaller than I thought.
Cause you are weak.
Blue’s voice is in my head again, and I don’t know how to get rid of the strange hate that is mixed with it.
“This is happening,’’ I hear a voice and turn in the direction. I don’t see anyone but the voice is so familiar that it makes my heart shudder. Slowly, the voice turns to footsteps and I see the person responsible for my heart trembles.
“Mom,’’ I call out as a tear rolls down my cheek.
Why is she here?
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