Chapter 452
Beau
A couple of hours fly by and I am still in the halls waiting for Ogma and the rest of the healers. Bells left me but Rex was sent. They don’t want me alone; they think I will do something out of all my frustration but all I want is to get my baby back. I want the doors to open and I want them to tell me that he is breathing and alive.
I want to be connected to him again and I want everything to go back to the way it was before tonight.
Rex is quiet, I haven’t even looked at him but I can tell he is worried about me. I take a couple of deep breaths as I try to control my tears. An alpha is not supposed to cry in front of people and I have shown everyone in the community how weak I am. I have never felt like a good Alpha and no one should fucking expect me to hold my tears right now.
Lanis is my mate, all this is happening because of me. The pregnancy, the babies, I am the one that pushed him even though he didn’t want to. If I lose him because of this, I will never forgive myself–I can’t live knowing that I would be the reason that he died.
he is not going to die.
My wolf speaks up angrily. These are my thoughts, the things that have been going through my mind all night. I have been beating myself up for the last couple of hours and there is no convincing me otherwise.
I did this to him.
I pushed him and pushed him, knowing that he didn’t want this. I convinced him to have them and now I can’t even go to the nursery. I can’t look at them until he wakes up–until I know that he is alright.
I look up and Rex is standing on the opposite side of the wall. his eyes meet mine immediately and he manages a smile. I want to distract myself from the thoughts in my head. I don’t want to think about a world where Lanis doesn’t exist, it is not going to happen. I will not let it.
“You don’t have to stand here with me,’’ I manage dryly.
The smile on his face disappears and he walks towards me. “You are not alone,’’ he tries to tell me but I don’t want to hear it. The comforting words, the ’I am here for you,’
’Nothing is going to happen to him’
“You don’t have to stay here, I am fine on my own,’’ I insist. The door opens before he can respond to me and Ogma walks out. The first thing I notice is all the blood on her clothes. Alanis’s blood. All over her.
A gasp escapes my lips and I run towards her. “Is he okay?’’
She hesitates. “He is alive,’’ she tells me, but the words don’t come outright. She can’t tell me that he is okay, but I can tell that she doesn’t want to say that he is not okay. No one knows what is going to happen to him right now.
I can feel the tears running down my cheeks again. “What happened to him?” I ask her even though I know that the pregnancy happened.
“We didn’t know exactly what was going to happen. this is all new to us but we hoped he would scale through easily. He lost a lot of blood; they did a lot of damage to him internally. We tried to patch everything up but he needs his super healing and he is not even healing right now.’’
I hear her words but right now I can’t comprehend. I just want to know if he will make it through this.
“Can I see him?’’
She looks at me and I can see that she doesn’t want to tell me ’no’ but she knows that I can’t be there right now. “Not right now, he is being patched up by one of the healers. Why don’t you go to the nursery and wait with your babies?’’ she suggests but I don’t want to do this alone.
I want him with me.
I don’t want to go to the nursery without him.
Rex moves towards me and looks at me. “I will take you to the nursery, Beau,’’ he tells me. I shake my head because I really don’t want to go. I want to wait for him to wake up.
“I am not going,’’ I tell both of them “I will wait for him to wake up,’’ I add adamant in my decision.
Ogma gives me a look that tells me that I am not going to like what she is about to say. “You can’t do this; he needs you to be strong for him. You can’t do that if you are sitting here waiting for him to wake up. I can’t tell you how much time it will take but there is a chance that he will be asleep for a long time or he may never wake up. You have to be there for those children. He wouldn’t want you sitting on the floor waiting.’’
I can’t believe what I am hearing. She is telling me that I have to leave him here, alone. She is telling me that he may never wake up and that I have to accept it. I can’t do that.
“He is going to wake up,” I tell her determined. I won’t accept this.
“I hope so, but if he doesn’t you have to be there for those babies. You have to be strong for him, you can’t be here crying and waiting for him to wake up. You can’t do that,’’ she is being very strict and that is the way all of us in the pack were trained.
You lose someone and you get up on your feet and fight. You don’t sit down and wallow in self-pity. That is what was expected from me when my father died but I can’t do that with Lanis. He is my partner; he is my soul mate.
I will not just get back up on my feet, I will believe that he is going to wake up and I will be here waiting for him.
“Just let me know when I can see him,’’ I tell her, my voice cracking.
“I will let you know,’’ she says, and then she leaves.
I go back to the spot I was and sit down on the floor with my hands on my head.
I will wait for him.