Chapter 457
Alanis
Bright light is all I see as I try to adjust my eyes to the scenery. when I open my eyes, I see that I am in a hospital room. I am lying in a bed and there is an IV in my arm. My head starts to throb from the blinding light. I think about what happened and I try to remember how I got here. I try to push myself up but I am too weak.
Suddenly, it all comes rushing back to me. The pregnancy, my babies. I am awake, I am alive and breathing.
Holy shit.
A part of me thought I wasn’t going to make it. I didn’t think I was going to survive it all, but here I am.
I look around the room for Beau but he is not here. I told him he didn’t have to wait around for me. I wanted him to get a breather and I am glad that he did but now I need him here with me.
The room is empty, I am all alone.
I try to get up again and I am able to this time. I stand in front of the mirror and I look at myself. I am a mess. All the color is gone from my body, it is almost like nothing that happened ever happened to me. I feel like I was before the pregnancy. Strong and fit. It is hard to believe that I was ever pregnant.
I think about my babies and I get emotional. I have to see them. Not just to see them, but I have to hold them. I have to feel their warmth and know that they are safe. I need to know that they are okay.
I walk out of the room with only one thing on my mind. I can already feel Beau, I am sure he can feel me too. I just know where he is and what he is doing. My heart thuds heavily against my chest because I am going to be in his arms soon. I am going to hold him, and kiss him, and thank him for the life that he has given me.
I walk down the corridor and even though I have never been to this part of the infirmary, I just know where to go.
I know where he will be.
I walk up to the room and I see him through the glass door, but it is almost like he is engrossed in what he is doing. I watch him as he holds our baby in his arms. His back is facing me but I can still see him clearly. He is talking to our baby and I can feel his love emanate out of him. It is radiating so brightly that I almost want to barge in and claim some of that beautiful love that he is pouring out right now.
My heart is screaming with joy. I have never felt this happy in my entire life. I was just walking and now I don’t want to stop. I want to run straight into the room and wrap my arms around him. I want to kiss him and let him know how much I love him.
I am still standing outside the room, staring at him. I can hear my heart beating; it’s beating so fast. I feel like it is going to explode any second. I see him reach for the other one in the crib. The love he has for them is equal. He wants them both to feel his presence since I am not there.
I am still outside. I am still watching.
I am so engrossed in him that I almost forget that I want to go inside. I want to see him. I want to be in his arms.
I open the door and I walk inside and he is still holding one of our babies. He doesn’t notice me until I walk over to his front. He opens his eyes wide and there is confusion mixed with shock. There is a smile on my face as I stand in front of him. My eyes shifting from him to the baby in his arms.
“Am I dreaming right now?’’ he asks in a very soft voice with the baby still in his arms.
“No, you’re not. I’m real” I tell him, with a smile plastered on my face. His eyes roam around me, from my face to my body. I don’t know what he is looking for but I keep the smile on my face.
“Are you okay?” he takes a step towards me but he doesn’t touch me. Almost like he doesn’t believe that I am here right now.
“I am all healed up,’’ I raise my hands up and he watches me in confusion. He is still not convinced that I am real.
I watch him as he walks over to the crib and puts the baby down and then he walks back to me. I don’t know what headspace he is in right now and I don’t want to overwhelm him. I want him to handle this in the way that he can.
Right now, he is confused.
He stops in front of me and stretches his hand out but he doesn’t touch me. He just lets it hover over my body. It is almost like he is feeling my warmth. He is feeling me.
I reach my hands out and wrap my arms around him. I press my body against his and I feel so safe in his arms. I feel like I am home. I feel like I am in the right place. I feel like I am exactly where I belong.
“I thought I lost you,” he says in a soft voice.
“I’m here,” I whisper in his ear.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if I lost you,” he says, pulling back and looking straight into my eyes.
“I am here,” I say, cupping his face with both hands. I run my thumbs over his cheeks and I press my forehead against his, closing my eyes.
“I am here,” I tell him, opening my eyes and looking into his.
We are in this moment right now. This moment where we just look at each other. This moment where I don’t want to say anything, I don’t want to do anything, I just want to look at him.
This moment is perfect.
I reach for his hand and I intertwine our fingers, holding it against my chest. I feel so safe right now.
“I love you,” he whispers in my ear, pulling me into him and kissing my forehead.
“I love you too,” I tell him, glad that we made it.
Glad that my family is complete.