Chapter 638
Blue
I hold Rex tightly as he closes his eyes softly. He is exhausted and I don’t blame him. I am too but this is a good kind of exhaustion. I would sleep well for the rest of the night.
The sounds of the tree that is close to our room window, are like music to this night. I am smiling even though we would probably pass out soon.
“Blue?’’ Gyles calls me in the darkness of our room. I turn so that I can see him better and he is resting on the bed with his elbow. His hair is wet from the shower we had after. It seems like the alcohol has completely left his system.
“Yeah?’’ I reply quietly.
Rex is still awake but he is quiet.
Probably listening.
“Do you miss your home?’’ he asks calmly.
I furrow my brows in confusion. I haven’t really talked about the coven, so this is a surprise. One that I don’t know why he is bringing up.
“Not really.’’
That is the honest truth. There was nothing for me in the coven, so I didn’t even see the need to go back. Major took over just like we planned but I haven’t even set foot in the place after that horrible week. he has asked me, so many times but I just know that when I go to that place, bad things happen. I am overall the bad times.
Staying in the community has been a relief.
Yeah, I might not really be bonding with the people as much as my mates are but I am happy here. Everyone is nice and they have treated us like we belong.
“You don’t seem at home here,’’ he points out.
“You think so?’’ I ask.
He shrugs.
This conversation is out of the blue, so I don’t even know where it is coming from and why he is even talking about this.
“I don’t know. You would talk to us if you weren’t happy here?’’ he asks calmly. He is worried. I get that but I don’t think I am not happy. I am very happy.
I think.
“Yeah.’’
That is the truth but they don’t seem to believe me.
Rex opens his eyes and he is watching me too now. I rest my back on the bed as they suddenly make this a staring contest.
“I am happy guys, what is this about?’’ I ask because I don’t like this interrogation. I need them to believe me when I say something.
’It’s not an interrogation. We just want to make sure,’’ Rex speaks up.
So, this is something that they talked about together—without me.
“Okay, I see I am the topic of discussion. I see that but I am telling you that you have nothing to worry about. I am fine.’’
Okay, I am trying to control my temper right now even though this is quite infuriating. I love the community, If I had to choose a home, I would choose this place over and over again.
So why does it feel like they have doubts?
Why are they not listening to me?
“We are listening to you. we just haven’t really seen you settle here. You keep saying you like it here but you haven’t made it a home for yourself. If we weren’t here, you wouldn’t stay and we know it.”
Okay, those words are harsh.
I wouldn’t just abandon the place. yeah., they are the glue to my staying here but I would still choose this place over anywhere else.
“You guys are being mean right now. How have I handled this place differently from you guys?’’ I raise a brow.
They both sit up.
I watch them and wait for them to respond. Okay, they want us to talk about this. then we will.
“We are actually part of the pack. we haunt with all the members, we have friends.’’
“I have friends,’’ I retort.
Gyles scoff “Who?’’
I think back.
Beau?
Maybe not.
I guess he might be right on that but it is not like I haven’t tried to be friends with them but I just find it that I am better off on my own. I like my own solitude.
Fuck, am I like my father?
He is a lone wolf.
He left his pack.
He chose to be alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
I have two amazing mates and they make me happy. I just don’t like everyone else—well, I wouldn’t say that I don’t like that. I just can’t seem to bond with them and it is not like I even want to.
I don’t want to join the pack on hunts, I don’t want to be friends with them and talk about my feelings. Yeah, I want to belong but I don’t want all those other things.
“I like being on my own,’’ I voice out my thoughts as it registers in my mind.
I don’t know what it means but that is scary.
Will I eventually become my father?
Is that what this build-up is leading to.
Gyles opens his eyes wide at the shock of my revelation. He doesn’t know what to say and it seems like Rex feels the same way.
There are no answers to what is going on right now.
I don’t even know if I am actually looking for an answer.
“Look, I don’t know what this means but I know that I love you guys. I love you so much and that is all I am certain about. I will always love you and I will always hold unto the two of you. everything else is inconsequential. Nothing else matters but how I feel about you and I know just because I don’t bond with people, just because I don’t have friends here, doesn’t mean that this place is not a home to me. it will always be a home to me.”
That is my truth and nothing can take that away from me.
Nothing.
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