Chapter 663
Beau
The moment I hear their first cry, it feels like the sound pierces into my chest and rips my heart out. I tried to get ready for this. they said they would be fine, Alby said they would be fine.
I know they would be fine but how can I listen to this without feeling their pain. They are my babies. We are fucking connected and now they are in pain. I hate this so much.
The chains around their legs and wrists.
This is just a precaution. They are just pups. They can’t hurt anyone but Alby said we have to do this the right way.
I want to change the right way because it doesn’t seem right to me. I can’t watch them being treated like this when I know they are just babies.
“I can’t watch them being chained up like animals. We need to change that rule,’’ I look at Alby as another scream escapes colin’s lips. he is the most fragile out of the two of them. I am worried about him the most because he can’t handle this much pain.
“This is the only way to do this. they might hurt themselves if they are free,’’ he tells me like I am being irrational right now.
I am not.
“I don’t like this. this is not fair,’’ I cry so desperately for this moment to end. Thirty minutes feels like an eternity.
Why does it feel like time has stopped? Can’t this just end already? Even though I don’t want to be here, my eyes never leave them. I watch them closely and attentively. This has to end with only one thing—them being okay.
Their cries travel to my heart and crushes it completely but I can feel the immense strength that they carry. They are trying to be strong for this. they don’t want me to worry, even though that is impossible. I cannot worry when they are in pain.
Lanis holds me, he doesn’t want to let go and I don’t want him to. I can’t handle this alone and I am glad that he is here with me.
“They got this,’’ he tells me calmly, I can hear the nervousness in his voice. the little shakes and trembles.
This is something that he cannot hide from me and I don’t want him to.
I don’t want him to be strong for me—I just want him to be present and that is what he is doing right now.
It takes a couple of minutes for what I know is about to start and from the first crack, my heart stops in my chest.
Their bones break, the way mine does every time I bring my wolf out. I have gotten so used to the pain. It doesn’t even register anymore but I can never forget the first time. I thought I was dying and now, they will feel the same way I felt.
Colin’s eyes open and they are bright and glowing with a golden glint. His cheeks are tear-stained, he is still crying and when his eyes find me, he calls me out, trying to reach out for me.
I take a step forward, it is reflex. If I see my child hurting, I would want to help him through the pain.
“You have to let them do this on their own,’’ Alby stops me, almost like he knows what I want to do.
I don’t even know what I want to do. I just want to make this easier. I just want to hold them, be there through the pain.
“He needs me,’’ I cry.
“He only needs his wolf right now, let him meet him without any interruptions.” He tells me calmly.
Of course, he would be calm.
This is not his child.
This is not his life.
It is mine and I have to watch them hurt.
I close my eyes, even though my baby is still watching me. even though the last thing I saw was his pleading eyes. they are so tiny. They are so fragile.
They are not ready for this.
You know they are. This is the time where they finally become whole, you have nothing to worry about.
I keep my eyes closed as my wolf talks to me. He seems to be the only level-headed one amongst the two of us.
I have him.
They will have this beautiful voice in their heads pretty soon. They will have a bond that is unlike nothing else. I want what I have for them but I don’t want them to suffer to get this magic, to get this blessing. I think about all the times I had felt lost and alone, I think about all the good things that have come from having my wolf. The pain gets clouded because, for the first time in a long time, I only see the blessings.
I only see the good things.
I open my eyes knowing that I have Lanis and my wolf. I have so many things to be thankful for and they will soon have all those things and more. I want that for them and so I watch them as they hurt and, at that moment, the only thing that clouds my mind is how good this pain will feel afterward.
How complete they would feel.
When it ends, I smile. I see the beautiful pups that have replaced my children and even though they are different, they still feel the same. it is almost like I am getting to know a different part of them. a part of them that I haven’t met in six years.
“Unchain them,’’ I tell Alby, as I let go of Lanis and turn immediately.
I want them to meet my wolf too.
I want them to feel what I have always felt.
In a frenzy, my wolf erupts out of me and I go over to them just as one of Alby’s workers unchains them. in all four, I strut over to them. they are tiny, their furs are two different shades. Colm is black, I always knew he would be a black wolf. I felt it inside him.
Colm is a lighter brown, almost as golden as his eyes. they are beautiful.
They are perfect.
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